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Better to stay together for the kids, or leave and be happy?

I have been with both my kids dad for almost 5 years. Things are going ok at times but recentlya lot has happened to tear us apart. Certain things over the years have made me not trust him, and recently new events have taken place to make me feel this way even more. I am in love with him, but when is love not enough to fix everything that is broken? I have 2 beautiful little girls who adore their daddy. I dont think i would want the to live without him on a daily basis like they are used to now. I love so much about him, but he likes to drink and I dont like that. Everytime he gets drunk, he seems to forget details in the night. Then i have people telling me things that he did that he doesnt remember. If the drinking is making him forget or giving him an excuse dont ya think its time for him to give it up? I feel like its time for him to grow up, I have told him that for years. Should i give up on him? Any insight or advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:09 PM on Feb. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • You cant stay for the kids. I used to think you could and did for a long time but all that does is teach the kids being in an unhappy marriage is right and functional when it isnt. You have to do whats right for you. If he drinks and its a problem then thats also something to factor in because your kids are seeing this and thinking its normal. If you dont make yourself happy no one else in this world will either and youre teaching your kids thats ok.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:10 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Staying together "for the kids" is something that is ideal but only if the situation is a good one. How much damage is he causing by being a drinker? You need to live your life in a manner that will be good and safe for your daughters. If he wants to be involved, he should clean up his act. I left my first husband a while ago (for different reasons) and felt loads of guilt for putting our son in a "broken" home, but I knew in the end that I could not make my son's life good and happy unless I made my life good and happy. My son is now 10 and is so well-adjusted and happy - he gets loads of love from his dad, his mom, his stepdad, and all the new family he now has (including two brothers).
    M-Angel

    Answer by M-Angel at 4:50 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • & staying for the kids does not make it easier on the kids. My parents stayed for us . . .we didn't know they were having problems. . .so all those years felt like a big fat lie
    ColtsFan1912

    Answer by ColtsFan1912 at 5:00 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • I dont; know what I would do! I feel for you, I would want to stay for the kids but I would also not want them to think its ok to be in a relationship your not happy with!
    GJCJMomie

    Answer by GJCJMomie at 5:09 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • i went through a situation that sounds similar to yours, after 5 years and 2 kids together, he still couldn't get his act together, and the last time he went out and 'couldn't remember' the night, he came home with a woman's number, address, and possibly an std...i left, at the time it was the hardest thing i have ever done, but 3 months later, i look back and can't believe i stayed that long...i am so much happier now, and i've noticed a huge change in my kids, they are happier and better behaved than they have ever been!
    kyuteangl88

    Answer by kyuteangl88 at 5:51 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • You shouldn't stay just for the kids. Think about what they will grow up seeing, how they will expect men to behave, and what habits they may think are ok from watching their dad. Every child wants thier parents to stay together, but sometimes its not the best enviornment for them.

    That being said...if your hubby has a drinking problem, then many of his behaviors could be a result of his alcohol abuse. I believe that if problems result from a substance abuse, then that PERSON can change if they stop the substance.

    IMO I would suggest he gets help for his alcohol problem (and HE has to want to do this for himself, you can not talk a substance abuser into treatment) and also get some counseling together while he fights this addiction (you need support on how to help him and yourself as well as the kids) and if he agrees that he needs help, then try and mend the marriage.But, if he won't change, then you may have to leave
    ozarkgirl3

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 7:27 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

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