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How do I make my partner understand I am not his daughter's biological mother?

He expects me to be her the extreme. She has a mother. His explanation to me is that in public no one should be able to tell that she is not my biological daughter (other than the fact we look nothing alike!). How can I do this? He gets borderline abusive over situations. I am a first time mom to a 2 month old. This story has background to it which account for my actions and emotions. I am so unsure of what to do. We are not married. He keeps things from me regarding his health and tells me I treat my cats better than his daughter. Untrue, of course, but this child is the devil and needs structure and discipline. What do I do? Anyone interested in hearing my story and giving me some guidance, please, please let me know!

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Asked by Madtownmom08 at 4:13 PM on Feb. 24, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • I think calling a little girl "the devil" is a bit childish. And it sounds like he has a good reason to tell you that you treat your cats better.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:15 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • If hes abusive then you just say no and get away from the abuse as soon as you can. If anything Id also contact the girls mom and see what she has to say about the situation, maybe she has things you need to know. I am sure he has a horror story about her but dont they all when theyre abusive? Its because they dont want you to contact one another. id tell him to hit the road and if he has custody of this child then id do whatever I could to make sure the mom gets her back.

    Answer by gemgem at 4:18 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • if she needs discipline and HE wants you to treat her LIKE a Real mom do that give her structure and discipline

    Answer by Lauren2008 at 4:18 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • I agree with the previous post. If you have bad feelings towards her enough that you are saying she is the "devil" then you probably treat her accordingly. It's natural if you dislike someone then you treat them badly. But if you say she needs structure and discipline, then do it! You are not her mother but you are the other half of that house so you should be a mother figure. I have to agree with the husband on this one.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:18 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • This is an opportunity for you to be kind to a child and to help her grow into a caring and successful adult. She sounds like a handful, but when you have a relationship it is not only with the man but also with his children. The child may be confused and distressed about what is going on in her live. Be a point of stability for her. Love her. Help her. If she seems to have problems that you can't help with, get her to counseling.

    Answer by Bmat at 4:19 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • You know, some kids can be TOTAL DEVILS. Have none of you met any? They can be awful so I give her a break on the comment. If you plan to stay with him, then ramp up the discipline and don't let her get away with any crap when you act as mommy and tell your SO that this is how you're going to parent the little one too. If he is abusive, run away and never look back!

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 4:31 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • wow, maybe you two shouldn't be together. He has expectations for you that are obviously too high for you. If you think she's the devil then maybe you should stop reproducing with the devil's dad. He knows you better than we do and if he thinks you treat cats better than you do his dd then that's a pretty bad testimonial about you and your ability to parent. Let her mom be her mom since you obviously don't want to. So this must be what they talk about when talking about evil step mothers.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:28 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • you all dont know the whole story ,it is too vague this could be a 17 yr old girl that terrorizes the "cats" lol and i have to say some children do have devil like tendancies at times lol lol you really should meet my nephews i do love the little devils but i get a kick out of kids with a spunky side yes hit me up and let e know whats going on poster and ill try to help the best i can hugs

    Answer by freckles9399 at 5:49 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • wow... please contact me. i am in a similar situation....

    Answer by pammd at 10:44 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

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