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do your tweens massage you?

SS is 10 and begs DH to let him give him foot and back rubs. DH doesn't want him to, that is what I am for. LOL But it bothers SS that his dad doesn't let him. SS frequently gives his BM back rubs and foot rubs, at her request, and I think that is why he wants to do the same for his dad. I think she often puts him in a "companion" role instead of a child role in their home. So is it wrong that DH won't let him massage him? Is it normal for a 10 year old boy to want to massage his dad?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:24 PM on Feb. 24, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (8)
  • maybe he just wants that bond he has with bm with his daddie
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • The message he may be getting from his birth mother is that adults love to be massaged. So he may be confused that his dad doesn't want him to. His dad should just say that he doesn't like the massage. Ask him if he really likes to massage people or just why he wants to do it. Take him to visit a physical therapy office if they would let him observe what is done there. Perhaps the child should be steered toward a career in massage or physical therapy.
    It could be his way of showing affection. If his dad says no he doesn't like it, it may help the child realize that not everyone considers it a good thing.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 4:49 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • His dad does like getting massaged, he just doesn't want his son doing it. SS will see me massaging DH and ask if he can. If I touch a rough spot (DH likes it rough because he has deep knots) and DH makes any sort of sound like it is painful (a good pain, not bad one) SS has jumped in and said things like, "is she hurting you daddy, let me do it." There was also an instance where he told DH that his mom told him how DH used to give her foot rubs when they were together. DH told him that he didn't remember doing it, because he says he really doesn't remember, doesn't want to remember, and if he ever did it was maybe once to keep her from whining. That sort of irritated SS, DH telling him that he didn't remember giving the BM foot rubs. IDK. I don't think we will go so far as to take him to a physical therapy office but perhaps I will ask him why it is so darn important to him next time it comes up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:26 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Oh, to clarify, DH didn't tell him he gave the BM foot rubs to keep her from whining or that he doesn't want to remember those things. After I re read it it sort of sounded like it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:27 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Many ppl don't like to be touched in such an intimate way especially by a child. Personally I don't think the BM should let him do it either but that's just me. I can't imagine my son touching me like that but that's just me. so no I don' t think it's wrong for dh to say no thanks. As for being normal, IDK. He might grow up to be a great masseuse and make lots of money but what if he does this with friends? The males might beat him up and the females might have him arrested. I'm stumped on this one. I have a ten yr old grandson and he's very loving and sensitive but I don't see him wanting to touch ppl.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:15 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • There's nothing wrong with kids giving parents a massage, I used to rub my dad's feet when he got home from work. But if DH doesn't like it or feel comfortable about it, just have him tell the kid he's too ticklish. That way it won't seem like a rejection of his son's positive sentiment.
    surobb

    Answer by surobb at 12:43 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I think it is okay for a kid to rub his parent's feet....but if Dad doesn't want it he can say no....but I think the key is HOW he says no. Don't make the kid feel rejected if he thinks he is offering something positive! Maybe he should laugh and give him a hug when he asks and tell him thank-you for the kind offer, but (as the other poster said) he is too ticklish for massages! or something like that.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 12:03 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • Yes it is normal for children to need to be touched, and touch at any age. Our country touches their children three times less than children in other countries. According to the Touch Institute studies in the 90's. It could be a personal boundary issue for the father and that is fine. But he should consider it have him read my post or tell him about this. If he's having a personal issue then fine let it lye. However this child is trying to communicate with him. Not only could he be a healer of sorts, he is asking to have a closer bond to his father. If it can't be physical perhaps personal. More time, more one on one outings, more special time together. Massage has many benefits, and it's a little secret but, the benefits are not just to the receiver, the giver also benefits. Special brain chemicals are released when one human touches another. Not sexual. This is nurturing, human, safe touch, healing, bonding.
    massagegiftmom

    Answer by massagegiftmom at 2:23 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

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