Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Curious about Joe Soll...

Does anyone know if Joe Soll - adoptee who speaks out on adoption issues and reform - had lousy adoptive parents?

Not saying that would be the only reason he feels the way he does, but was just curious...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:27 PM on Feb. 24, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (22)
  • Never heard of him. But good for him for telling some more truths about adoption. If he did have bad adoptive parents though, look out, because I'm sure people are criticising his message as "negative" because he had a "rare" bad experience because god knows no adoption experiences are "bad"!


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:59 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Joe Soll is an older adoptee who was a 'black market' baby. He will never be able to trace his natural parents because of the way he came to be adopted. I have never heard him speak evil of his aparents..he doesn't say much about them. Why would someone have to have lousy aparents simply because they choose to 'practice' (Joe is a licensed therapist) in the area of adoptee and natural mother adoption issues? Not every one believes in his methods of therapy, but many do and he is a great source of help and much information. I highly recommend Joe for any adoptee or natural mother who is contemplating search and reunion, before they begin their search and in the early stages of reunion. He has written 2 great for adoptees and one he co-authored with a surrendering mother.. His methods may not be everyone's cup of tea, but he has helped many people.

    Answer by LilLizaJane at 10:07 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • If he IS speaking out partially due to his lousy parents (if that is what he had) that is actually a good thing because it shatters the stereo type that all adoptive parents are "good" just because they adopted. Its good to shed some light on the fact that they are human, prone to the same things other parents are prone to. Adopted parents are NOT saints...they are just human. Nothing wrong with that. It doesnt automatically make one a better parent because you adopt. I heard one mom say she cherishes her adopted child MORE then she would a bio child (how can you say that if you never had a bio child?) That also implies that bio parents dont cherish their children enough (which again is not usually the case). Adoption needs reform in all areas and disputing myths about all sections of the triad is a good start.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:11 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • This is the OP - thank you for your responses. Please know that I was in no way trying to criticize Joe Soll, but I was afraid it would come off that way, which is why I posted anonymously.

    I was just curious about what drives him. Had no idea he was a "black market" baby. Wonder if his adoptive parents were aware of that??

    Definitely agree that the "mystical, wonderful" image of adoptive parents needs to be dispelled! They are just as imperfect as any other parent...

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • um...who said adoptive parents where perfect? I'd really like to know! NO parent is perfect. I wasn't adopted. And my parents where shitty.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Never heard much about his adoptive parents. But, I think it is wrong to assume that an adoptee who sees flaws in adoption must have had bad aparents. That doesn't make any more sense than saying that all birth parents who fight for adoption reform had bad adoption experiences. Many adoptive and birth parents with the best of adoption experiences fight for adoption reform because they see so many flaws in the system.

    Answer by Southernroots at 12:12 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Joe Soll, an adoptee, is one of the leading adoption reformists. He lead a march on Washington to open adoption records. I don't know about his aparents, but I agree with Southernroots, adoptees that have great adoptive parents can be pro-adoption reform. My personal verdict on Joe Soll is out. I read his book "Adoption Healing: ... a path to recovery for mothers who lost children to adoption". It didn't speak to me at all. I think it was only for bmoms from the baby scoop era.


    Answer by onethentwins at 12:32 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • cont...My other impression is based on one of the groups here on cafemom called "Adoption from the Adoptees Point of View". They complain that the forum on Joe's website is pro angry bmoms and not supportive of the adoptee. I admit I have never been on those boards, but I was surprised/shocked to hear that he was not 100% supportive of the adoptees there. On the other hand I know plenty of people that have been helped by his "healling weekends". In conclusion I like him but I'm not 100%.

    Answer by onethentwins at 12:32 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Many adoptees who had loving, supportive parents that they remain VERY close and loyal to are also adoption reform advocates (I am one of those). The things I struggled / and struggle with because of my adoption had NOTHING to do with the parenting of my adoptive parents! But as more and more evidence and research is conducted and more and more triad members are speaking about their experiences things are identified that could be done better, could support triad members better, etc. It is the same as when any program, process, or field is studied. I personally do not care for some of what Joe Soll puts out there as not all adoptees interpret their adoption experience the same way - just as not all birth parents or adoptive parents are the same. But I do respect that he is speaking out and giving voice to adoptees.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 1:31 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I really get sick of pampered Americans and this domestic infant adoption battle back and forth with birth mom vs. adoptive mom here. I can't understand it. If people would just start adopting the children - the MILLIONS of them - that are waiting their childhood's away family-less, then the whole issue would be solved. Empty homes filled with love and laughter and children in need cared for. It doesn't get better than that. These kids are not irreparably damaged goods. They are worth every ounce it takes to bring them out of the dark place that circumstances beyond their control has forced them into.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:47 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.