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How can I punish her and it mean something?

My 13 year old daughter has really struck a nerve with me. We just moved this month and I know she misses her"friends". But she took it to far when I asked her to get off her cellphone at 10pm so that she could go to sleep for school. She told me she got off and was just watching television. I got up the next morning to find that she had texted her "friend" and told them "dat Bitch made me get off the phone". I am so heart broken because I have lost everything my home, car, job and all. I used my income tax money to move us out of the projects to a home. I didnt buy me anything, no car or anything. I got us a place and them somethings they needed for their new school. When I asked her is that how she feels she didnt respond but when I called my mom (who pays her bill) she just said "what goes around comes around". My mother didnt raise me I was adopted by my aunt and never disrespected her in anyway. What should I do?

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MzBerry

Asked by MzBerry at 6:44 PM on Feb. 24, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • Take her phone away (to start with) until she starts showing U some respect. She needs discipline and will walk all over you if you let her. =( Hope it gets better, Momma.
    my2luvbugs

    Answer by my2luvbugs at 6:47 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • When I was around that age my mom heard me cusing on the phone and when she told me she heard me I was sorry, but what got me was to see how it affected her. She didn't yell at me or punish me she just let me know that it really hurt her. I was crushed.
    momluja

    Answer by momluja at 6:47 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • I never called my mom a bit&^. But I do think you should talk to her and then let it slide. Of course you sacrificed alot to move out of the projects, and I applaud you for that. But she has lost alot and doesnt yet realized what she's gained.
    If I were to punish her, I'd take away the phone for a period of time. But again, sit down and talk to her so she understands why you made the move you did. Oh and does she not have a consistent phone curfew? Make that happen if she doesnt already.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 6:47 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • I would take the phone away.Have a heart to heart talk.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:48 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Take the cell phone away. And never let her have one again. Does not matter who is paying for it.
    I would ask your mom(who didn't raise you) what she ment by that. Give the phone back to her(your mom). Tell her you don't need her help if she is going to act that way
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:49 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Take her cell phone away. Yep. I wouldnt have even given my daughter a cell phone to start with.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 6:51 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • yeah i would take away her phone. im sorry, but realize that she was just upset that she had to get off the phone, probably trying to act 'tough' to her friend. i remember being young and saying mean things
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 6:54 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • I agree with most of the other answer-ers...take that phone away ASAP! I, personally, would write a list of things you gave up, and things that you've gained by moving out of the projects and go over it with her...it's in her nature (at 13) to be selfish, and self-involved, but you need to make sure she realizes that as her parent you make sacrifices daily for her, and she needs to learn to be more respectful if she wants to enjoy the fruits of your labor (even if her grandmother pays the bill - its YOU who allows her to have the phone in the first place).

    Good luck, mama!!! Stick to your guns and it'll get better :)
    cj
    cjluvsu

    Answer by cjluvsu at 7:17 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • I"m sure many kids think their strict moms are a B*. I have no doubt mine did as well. It's just their way of looking cool to their friends. Are you wanting to punish her for hurting your feelings, for making you spend your money on getting the house instead of something for you, for staying up late or for using the b word? I'm not totally understanding which thing you want to punish her for. It sounds like you are hurt and angry over sacrificing to make life better for your kids and she's not appreciating what you did. She won't until she's grown. She's a teen. Everyone knows most teens are ungreatful bc they simply don't understand. All they know is the Now and what they have or don't have in the Now. She's lost her friends. That means the world to teens. Stay strong. She'll come out of it in time. If the name bothers you have her write an essay on what it means and how offensive it is and if she does it again the phone goes
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:00 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • I have just given her phone back because of one incident . So I took the phone for two weeks. Her phone curfew is way better than mines I had to get off the phone at 7 and be in the bed by nine at her age. I tried to be a lil more thoughtful and let her stay on the phone til 10 because we moved to a different state and the kids get out a hour later than she does. My mother has it in her head that because she was born first and her dad was never around that she can get away with anything even treating her sister's bad. I stopped that by not letting them go visit her at all. I even tried to let her stay with my "mom" so that she could finish out the school year but she wanted to take one and not the others, so i said no they all was coming. All of my girls wanted to move they were scared for their lives. They are happy or atleast they say they are that  we moved.

    MzBerry

    Answer by MzBerry at 10:38 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

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