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Are You Aware?

Are you aware that most adoption agencies that provide housing for expectant mothers will not allow their other children to accompany them? The agencies bar other family from joining the expectant mother because they don't want anyone to sway her decision to surrender.

Would you continue to use an agency that barred the expectant mother from contact with her other children and family?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:08 PM on Feb. 24, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (20)
  • Are the expectant mothers required to accept the provided housing, or is it a choice?

    If it is a requirement, then no. I would not support an agency that requires such a ridiculous thing. A woman going through a situation like that usually needs the support of her friends and family.

    If not a requirement, then yes. The expectant mother does not have to accept the provided housing, and it would be her choice to do so.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 7:40 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • For a few agencies, it's only a requirement if the expectant mother wants to use them to facilitate the adoption.....

    When I was looking into agencies, I had a 3 yr old I was raising at the time. I was told I had to live on site, two states away and my other child had to stay behind with family. Agency told me that the rule was in place so siblings couldn't "guilt" mom into keeping the new baby sibling. They considered having the mother's other children there "biased pressure" that their "birthmothers" don't need.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:13 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Yes I'm aware. We never wanted an agency adoption because of what goes on. It was either private or social services.
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 8:51 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • What if your family told you they would not help you at all..what is you had no place to live & you got kicked out & already had a child. Then yea somebody might go for something like that even if it meant leaving your other child for a while.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • We were asked by our son's first parents to stay with us, so they could get to know us better, and to know that they were making the right decisions. They know with all their heart that I might not be the most spotless housekeeper on earth, but that I'll get in the toybox and play with our son all day long to make him happy, educated, and well cared for. Her child also stayed with us.

    When our son was born, we had previously made arrangements for them to stay in another place, until she got back on her feet.
    sizesmith

    Answer by sizesmith at 10:36 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • It was just a thought as to why someone might do it. I know that when I had my child & after the adoption was done I was basically homeless & had to stay with friends until I got another job & got things together(had a place while pregnant so the idea to "go away" some place wasnt necessary) The adoption agency sure didnt care if I had a place to live after I gave up the baby though.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • It is common knowledge that some agencies want to isolate pregnant women to keep them away from any friends and family who might try to "talk them out" of adoption. Meanwhile, the agencies are housing pregnant women (sometimes in distant states that have less stringent adoption laws) and constantly singing the praises of adoption. I was not aware that some agencies will house women only without their children, but, I can't say that it surprises me.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 12:08 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I wasn't aware of this. I was aware that if a pbmom decided somewhere in the process that she didn't want to place then she would be asked to leave. some people think this is ok because the agency is in the business of adoption. I don't.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 12:17 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • If you are sure about adoption, that is one thing, however, if you have 1% in your mind that says I'd like to try to keep this baby, I'd go to a pregnancy crisis center, with my previous child, and see what resources would be available to me. Maybe I need a job, or some career counseling, or housing, or transportation to doctor's visits, perhaps day care for my other children. I would see how they could give me a "hand up", and not go with an agency. And I have never had children of my own, but I disagree with giving a woman housing, in the hopes of "snatching" her child. I do believe that some birthmoms panic, thinking, "How in the world am I going to handle this?" and it's easy to tell her, "You can't, let us take that baby & give him/her to a wonderful famiy, and then you can get back to whatever you were doing with your life." as if they didn't have a baby, a sibling for their children. What happens to her afterward?
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 8:37 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • (con't) I am a PAP and we are hoping to adopt one day, but have chosen to go thru CPS to adopt a child/ren who thru no actions of their own have become available for adoption when their parents' rights have been terminated. We have always wanted an infant child, but honestly, being here on CafeMom and hearing the stories of the birth mothers who have broken hearts, whether or not promises are broken, some who even though they are 100% happy for their children & their AP's, still cry & miss their children, or feel they were taken advantage of, has opened my heart & mind. Without adoption, we may never have children of our own, but as foster/adoptive parents, we have had children in our lives, some who have gone, but maybe God is molding me into the best mother I can be. Sorry so long....
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 8:47 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

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