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Am I in the wrong?

Before we had our son, dh and I used to go to bed together about every night and lay in there chatting before bed. It was nice, but things change. We had ds and dh deployed when he was 3 months old. For a whole yr it has been just me and ds. Things obviously changed around the house and I found what "worked". Now dh is home and he expects alot. We cosleep with our son and love it so much. It's not really something we want to change until ds is ready. That isn't the problem. Dh says it's hard for him to sleep and wants me to go to bed at the same time as him. However...... while he was deployed I was SOLE provider for our son 24/7. The only relax time I got was at night! It became my ME time. My time to unwind and have NO ONE bug me! I love it and NEED it to be refreshed the next day. I can't get up early b/c ds will just get up too. Dh thinks it's unfair... am I the one in the wrong?? or is he just being selfish?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:42 PM on Feb. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • God no he is not being selfish. It is absolutely selfish of you for having your son in your bed. Your poor husband should have and enjoy a bed with you and him alone. Co sleeping is just lazy parenting. Put your kid in his own bed and go enjoy your husband before he gets fed up and leaves.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:46 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Learn to compromise now bc later it may be too late. If you won't lay in bed and make him feel welcome in his own home then he might find someone who will love laying in bed and making him feel welcome. So figure out what's important to you.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:50 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • i dont think its lazy parenting.... and i dont think your in the wrong either... im a military wife also and when you find something that works and you get in the groove i say go with it... he needs to relize that you need your you time just as much as he needs his... maybe you could put your ds in his crib once in a while and have some fun tim tho;)

    Answer by kasiface at 11:51 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • well, it is BOTH dh and I that enjoy the company of your son in bed. Not a decision I made on my own. His complaint is with me staying up for my me time. He gets to leave the house. He gets to go out in the world and be "himself" on a daily basis. I love being a sahm but it's hard on me. I give myself ENDLESSLY. I think I deserve time to myself. I deserve time to be ME.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • If you're a sahm, you definitely can make time for yourself. Rather than doing dishes during your little one's nap, take 20 minutes to drink some tea and read a book. It will do you, your son, and your marriage a whole lot of good.

    Answer by MicahsMom612 at 11:54 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • yeah really im a sahm also:) iand i really need that me time.. but im not saying that he should just give up couple time either i agree with admckenzie, its all about compromising and finding what works

    Answer by kasiface at 11:55 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Maybe you could spend special time with hubby early in the morning? Or maybe, switch your special time to yourself to early in the morning. I don't think that either of you are being selfish. You need your time to yourself to rejuvinate, and you both need time, away from the kids, to spend together. They're both important. Talk to your husband. Expres your need to be yourself. And during the same conversation, be armed with ideas on how to spend time alone with him everyday too.
    I hope that was helpful. Good luck!

    Answer by jollymommy at 12:07 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • You have to compromise. You can't have me time every night, and you have to get your boy out of your bed. You can always pick him up and have family snuggle time in the morning- that's what we do.

    Your relationship needs just as much nurturing as you do. More, right now, as it was on the back burner for so long while Hubby was away.

    He just wants you to love him, too, and I don't see that as being unreasonable. I suggest, no more than two or three nights a week, you stay up. and the other nights you go to bed. If you need a little more time, get out of the house an evening or so with some friends, when DH is home, and let HIM do the parenting.

    believe me, it won't be your routine, or your rules, but it will be good for both of them.

    Answer by lovinangels at 12:12 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • In my opinion you should teach the baby to sleep alone as soon a possible... there is never an easy age to start this.

    As far as your need to compromise. Tell him that you feel refreshed when you have this time. Take 3 nights a week for yourself and on the other 4 night of the week go to bed with your husband. My husband works much earlier than I do and I am not always tired when he wants to go to bed...but our relationship is much stronger when we go to bed at the same time. Experts will recommend this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Co sleeping is lazy parenting? The first person who replied to this is not very intelligent or educated on co sleeping. Not to mention, people post on here to get help, not snide remarks. I hope you are not as rude and thoughtless when you open your mouth in person.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:17 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

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