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Should I rat him out?

So my step son is 12, and is currently failing four classes in school. He lives with his mother, and comes over to our house every weekend. Last I heard, on Sunday, was that he is grounded from his Playstation 3. Well hubby just saw on our Playstation 3 that ss was logged in two hours ago, on a school night, after his bed time, when he is supposed to be grounded from it. I don't always agree with BM, but I feel it's important that we try and stay consistent. So, should I send her an email and rat him out? Or should I just let it go, and ask him about it when I see him again on Friday?

Sorry, I'm posting here because this is a more active forum, than the other categories, where this question really belongs.

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Asked by my2.5boys at 11:47 PM on Feb. 24, 2009 in Home & Garden

Level 17 (4,394 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I would ask your DH what he thinks, it could cause friction if you rat out your SS (making the BM feel defensive of her child). I do think that he needs to be punished, when you're caught breaking the rules you should be punished for doing so. Maybe both the BM and your household need to take and lock up the controls for the PS3 so he can't get access to them even by sneaking them after bedtime

    Answer by bubblycute at 11:50 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • I would say that your top priority should be to not get between your husband and his ex-wife. Don't do anything without talking to your husband first. It is their child and though you may be concerned with his welfare, on matters like this that are not life and death, there is no need to get in the middle.

    Answer by wondermeg at 11:52 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • That's just it, she told me that she does take away his controller, so I don't know if she gave it back to him (which she does way too often considering he has been consistently failing this whole year), or if he just snuck it out. DH tends to stay out of things when BM is concerned. All communication goes thru me. I asked what he thought, and he said whatever you want to do. But I'm just not sure what to do.

    Answer by my2.5boys at 11:54 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • I'm sorry, I guess I should have made it more clear. I'm already in the middle. Hubby and I have been together for 10+ years, and for the last 8 she has dealt solely with me. It's mostly because she likes to pick fights with hubby, but in all these years she has only successfully picked one fight with me (which I won, so I don't think she will be trying that again anytime soon). She has accepted this, and has actually referred to ss as "our" son to me, so it wouldn't be anything new for me to send her an email.

    Answer by my2.5boys at 11:58 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • I would send the email and let the DS know that you can't be screwed around with.

    Answer by DesignerMom0801 at 12:05 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • if you are that close together, then i think maybe you should tell her....

    Answer by Bebe510 at 12:06 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Well you said she takes away his controller at her house when he is punished, so does that mean you did the same at your house? If he played YOUR playstation game either it was left there or he knows where you hid it. I really don't think it's about telling his mother what he did at your house. I would tell him flat out that you know he snuck on after his bedtime and that his playstation priviliges are revoked for an extra day at YOUR house, and this time put the controller in a different place. It's great you are trying to be consistant with the discipline his mother instills but it should be up to you and your husband to follow up with how it's carried out whhile he is in your care instead of going back to his mother.

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 9:52 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • It seems I've been misunderstood. He didn't play playstation at our house. He only comes over on the weekends. He was at his mother's house last night. My husband can go online with his playstation, and it tells him when the last time ss was logged in, at his mother's house. It's like going to another cafemom's page and seeing when the last time they were logged in, type of thing. So should I tell her that he was using it at her house (I have no way of knowing whether or not she allowed him to play) or should I just let it go, and let her deal with what goes on at her house?

    Answer by my2.5boys at 11:14 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I would bring it up to her. I wouldnt make a huge deal out of it. But just ask something like is he still grounded from the ps3 over here cuz I saw that he was on the other night and wanted to make sure that the rule was inforced over at our home too. She will most likely be thankful that you are making an effort to honor her wishes with the grounding and will deal with him being on it later.
    Or maybe just talk to your step son about it. Maybe if he knew that you could see when he was on might make him straighten up.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:11 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

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