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How to help 8yr. old SD with "friend" at school?? HELP

My SD is coming home several times a week close to tears-if not crying. Her & her "friend" in her grade keep fighting. i am not sure the full story because my SD will not tell us everything. Her "friend" keeps telling her that she is going to call her mommy on her or even have her own mom call the principal and have my SD sent to the principals office. We keep telling her to ignore her, not sit near her on the bus, etc. I have told her that this girl can't do anything. I have even told her that it wouldn't matter if she called her mom. I am not sure what to do to help her. Its getting to the point where she is telling us that she doesn't like her school anymore (mom has moved her a lot so she thinks she can just switch schools - both her mom and i have told her this will not happen). I know that my SD is probably doing something being bossy, tattling, etc, but I do not want her to stop liking school becuase of girl.

 
aly38914290

Asked by aly38914290 at 12:20 AM on Feb. 25, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 8 (259 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Just wanted to say thanks again to everyone. I sent an e-mail to her teacher. She and all the 2nd grade teachers had a talk with a whole group of girls who aren't getting along and are trying to keep an eye on things. She really looked into what was going on and even talked to the school counselor. The counselor is going have a talk with my SD to see if she can help her deal with these situations. I am excited to see how this goes. Thank you for all your advice! I really appreciate it!
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 8:05 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • Why don't you talk with the principle or teacher of the class and set a meeting with them and the mom and you daughter and get to the ottom of it. thats what i would do, hope this helps
    angels4262

    Answer by angels4262 at 12:28 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I agree that talking to the principal may help. But before that, ask your SD exactly what the girl may be threatening her with? Did your SD mess up and do something that she knew she wasn't suppose to do and is afraid now that she will get in very bad trouble. Sometimes it may not be anything major, she may have called the girl a bad name, or said a dirty word or something, and that girl is using as a scare tactic against your SD now. Your SD made be more worried about you guys reaction to something and being in trouble more then anything and that could be causing the situation to magnify more then it needs to.
    BabyBeans0506

    Answer by BabyBeans0506 at 12:43 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • well, she doesn't like to tell us what she does in these situations...so i know she isn't telling us things. but the girl is threatening to have her mom call my SD's BM ( i don't know why she doesn't threaten to have her call me....i am around her more. ha ha) and today she threatened to have her mother call the principal and have my SD go to the principals office.

    They aren't even in the same class. They ride the bus together. I asked her if they sat near one another. SD said that she sits 4 rows back, but that this girls brother sits with her. They don't have assigned seats, so I dont know if that was just today or if that is a regular occurrance. it came to me tonight that maybe this girl things my SD "likes" her brother...

    i know that my SD can definately be bossy and has a problem tattling...but in general she isn't a mean girl. I know kids act different at school....but still
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 12:49 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Oh, maybe your SD is embarrassed if she has a crush on the girls brother and doesn't want to talk about it. I think if you are confident that your SD hasn't done anything really bad that you should just tell her to tell the girl to go ahead. Go ahead and have her mom call her BM or to call the principle. Just reassure your SD that you and her daddy will be there with her to defend her if need be. If the girl doesn't have a real reason to get SD in trouble and is just saying that to torture your SD then by knowing its no longer bothering your SD the girl might back off.
    BabyBeans0506

    Answer by BabyBeans0506 at 12:59 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • i tried telling her to do that when she told me the girl was going to call her me BM and have her BM call me. I tried telling her to go ahead, but I don't know if it sunk in. I think part of the problem is that she really wants to be friends with this girl (i know silly, but she is 8...). They were friends at one point. She has told her BM that she is taking her friends. Her BM told her that they can all be a group of friends. I told her today that if she needs to she can always talk to the school counselor. By the way, thank you for all your advice. Just talking it out some is helping me. I became her step-mom when she was 6 almost 7 so...although i love kids and i think mothering comes somewhat easy to me, i just sort of got thrown into some of this stuff and I had nothing to do with what made my SD who she is before she was 6 1/2....lol. So our relationship is sometimes difficult since she is definately mom's girl
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 1:05 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Oh no problem, I think that its hard when they are that young to understand that friends come and go. Its tough being an kid, and sometimes parents forget that little things like "she won't be my friend" is a much bigger rejection to a 8 year old then we can comprehend now as adults. Our forms of rejection comes in the form of fighting with DH, or getting turned down for a loan, lol- things of higher importance in our lives because we have already realized that friends are only friends because they have been there when times were tough, not just because they rode the same bus or was the same age. Kids need to worry about the basic things though, because when they stop doing that- well, they start growing up. SD should not have to suffer through worrying about this. It seems like it is rather consuming for her, and is a real issue. I would go ahead and have a meeting with her, the girl, and the principal.GL
    BabyBeans0506

    Answer by BabyBeans0506 at 1:36 AM on Feb. 25, 2009