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How do I tell DH that I am infertile?

I found out today that I have PCOS and since I had a tubal almost 20 years ago, the chances of me becoming pregnant are almost zero. I recently remarried to a man who has no children of his own and my only dream was to give him a child. Now, it looks as though I won't ever be able to. I'm almost 40 so time was running out anyhow. I started the process of being checked out and 'qualified' for in-vitro fertilization. But according to the doctor, I'm not ovulating, and probably will not ovulate healthy eggs any more. I'm devastated and have been crying all day. How do I tell my precious husband that if he stays with me, his dream of having a child probably won't come true, ever? I know there is adoption, but it just isn't the same.


Asked by Anonymous at 1:15 AM on Feb. 25, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I'm so sorry. I am not sure how you will tell him. Praying for you.

    Answer by SusieD250 at 3:35 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Is it possible for you too use his sperm and for you to get a egg donor? Can you still carry a baby and are just infertile? thats a option

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:21 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • OP here
    I can carry, the baby carriage is intact. I just do not have healthy eggs. The Dr says my chances of actual fertilization is so small that it would be more expense and heartache than it would be worth in the end. I had not thought of an egg donor... but my god the expense involved in that. We were already going to pay over 15K for one implant (my egg - his sperm). I cannot express how I want to have OUR baby... I'm still too devastated to make any kind of rational decision or even think rationally right now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:27 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • You tell him the truth. What else CAN you do? If he loves you he loves you whether you could have a baby or not.

    And...adopting IS the same as far as the parenting experience. The difference? You don't get the "joy" of pregnancy. (Keep the glass half full here...pregnancy ain't fun.been there, done that...never doin' that again.)

    And blood is so unimportant. Really. I'm me, my parents ARE the people who adopted me. Not that I hate the people who gave me up...I respect that decision bugt beyond that I have absolutely no feeling for them one way or another. They're inconsequential compared to the two people who dedicated their lives to me and my brother.

    Any baby you raise IS your baby. Blood schmud. Doesn't matter.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:53 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • You must tell your husband. Right now you are suffering through this (potential) loss alone and that is way more difficult than sharing with your partner. You are in this together. He married you because he loves you. Not so that you could be the surrogate mother to his baby. Your fertility issues are your husband's too. You are a team. You will figure out a solution together.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 2:32 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Just be straight up and honest with him. Adoption is a option.

    Answer by LND at 9:56 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • It's a blessing in disguise. Now all your children will be by one man. Tell him the truth. He may surprise you and say you are enough. I'd worry about his mother though.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:17 PM on Feb. 25, 2009