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How do I get my 16 and 18 yr old sons to school? Both have been kicked out of school.

I had already posted this once, but I am clarifying myself. They are boys. The school kicked them out. I have already tried the alternative schools, didn't work. The 18 yr old doesn't have a job, and doesn't want one till we give him a car (which we cannot afford). The 16 yr old doesn't go outside, stays in his room and plays video games and talks on the phone with a girl he met online. My husband and I have tried everything we can think of to get them to go to school. Nothing has worked yet. We take away the game systems and they watch TV. We take the TV away too, and they get on the internet. Point being, they don't care if we take things away from them, it doesn't work. When we talk to them, they say that they feel like people are picking on them, which we went to the school about, and all that has been accomplished is the alienation of both of my boys. Please, any and all help would be greatly appreciated.

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Asked by KathyStone at 4:27 AM on Feb. 25, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (9)
  • The 18 year old should be advised that he either gets and keeps a job or starts working for Uncle Sam. Is the younger boy in school at all? What are they doing during the day - are you home with them? If you are - surely there are some holes that can be dug in your yard - big deep holes that they can then fill with dirt. Dig up again the next day. Physical labor is an amazing motivator to start using your brain.

    I am sorry that this situation is happening. Have you had them drug-tested? Did this resentful behavior recently start or has it been building for a while?

    Answer by Wimsey at 4:37 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I have to admit that I haven't tried the hole digging. The only issue with that is that they would not agree to it. And they are both very big boys. My 16 year old never gets out of the house, so he doesn't do drugs. My 18 year old rarely goes out, and I trust that he doesn't do drugs, he doesn't have any symptoms for drug use. And the behavior isn't resentful, just that my husband and I may have given them too much control of if they want to go to school or not. My 16 yr old is classified as depressed. My 18 yr old had sleep acne until we had it fixed when he was 16. But because of that, we always used to call in for him when he wasn't able to get up in the mornings. It was often an excuse we used, even though we should not have.

    Answer by KathyStone at 4:53 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • the 18 year old can either go to school or get a job or his butt would be kicked out!!!! the 16 year old would go to school or boot camp. when it comes to education i dont mess around keep it real momma!! sounds like your making excuses for the actions. sorry i sound harsh but in todays world you have to be!

    Answer by shannonmarie759 at 6:11 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • time too take the video games and phone out of the house on the 16yr old and as for the18yr old tough love comes in too play tell him get a job or get out no where does it say you have too get him a car if he wants one its time for him too work for one he has two feet he can walk too work i did it for over 2yrs with a baby in a stroller and it took me 30 min each way

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Take away all the goodies. Dr. Laura used to suggest even taking the bed and making them sleep on the floor and taking all the clothes except two outfits--one to wear and one to wash. I would set a deadline for the older one to either get a job or join the Army and I would call the juvenile authorities about the legalities of what to do with the younger one. In some states, sixteen year olds are still mandated by law to be in school.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:49 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I really love all those suggestions. The main issue I have since I read all of these is that my husband got really mad and stormed out of the room. He doesn't want to give the boys ultimatums. I really try my best with them, but they have been this way for so long that I rely on my husband for support. He goes in with only half his heart in it. He doesn't want to kick our 18 year old out. And keeps telling me that the 16 year old has emotional issues, so we shouldn't push him. I don't know what to do anymore.

    Answer by KathyStone at 3:31 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Your hubby is not doing the boys any favors - I know you know that, but it needs to kick in w/him too.

    Maybe you could try couples counseling - I can only imagine this is a big issue in your house.

    Best of luck and I am very sorry.

    Answer by Wimsey at 3:42 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I'd say tough love is the answer. Take away the video games, tv & computer. Tell your 18 yr. old he needs to get a job or move out. Give him a specific date and stick to it. As for your 16 yr. old tell him to take the GED or go back to school. Lay down the rules and make sure they know the consequences if they do not follow them. It's never too late to start being consistent. You'll be helping them in the long run, they have to grow up sometime. Put your foot down and if need be get some counseling. Good Luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:16 AM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • Tough love. The 18 year old should have guidelines to still being able to live in the house. Its either school or work. Period. Tell him to take a bus, ride a bike or walk to somewhere he can work. Give him 30 days to pick one or else he is out. They probably dont care if you take things away because they know they will get them back. I would take the tv, internet, gaming consoles and put them in my room with a lock on the door. I would find out from maybe dhs about what you can do if your 16 year old wont go to school. Some states have diffrent laws. I would also tell him school is mandatory in your home. I would also get into some family therapy quick. There is a deeper reason as to why both the kids are like this. Have you looked into any type of online highschool or think of homeschooling the 16 year old?

    Answer by okmommy08 at 10:48 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

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