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help w/ 8yr old DD

my 8yr old dd and i have NEVER had a great relationship. from day 1, she prefered her dad to me. at the time i was also going through really bad post partum depression, un-diagnosed bi-polar, and nine monthe after she was born, i was pregnante again! needless to say, we didn't bond very much

well, now she's eight, going on nine, and really needing that mother-daughter relationship, but everything i try gets her mad at me. i don't know what to do, and i'm at my wits end! can anyone offer suggestions? she loves make-overs, but when i do it, "that's not how daddy does it!", or brushing her hair, she always yells at me for hurting her, she loves reading, but when i try to give her a book, "it's too hard for me!" even if it's Dr. Suess! i just don't know what to do any more!

Answer Question

Asked by bi-polarmommy at 1:03 PM on Feb. 25, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 6 (132 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Maybe you guys need to go and spend time together and just bond. Like get your nails painted at a salon together, or go to the zoo, a kids play or something that girls can do together. Then it wouldn't be you trying to instruct or help her, but just interacting together. Also be sure you aren't overreacting. When she says thats not how daddy does it dont get angry and say well ask him to do it.

    Answer by ria7 at 1:08 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • take a nature walk-look for things, zoo good idea anything to get talking about something other than yourselves. and maybe start saying I Love You more an a hug at bed time or when she needs one. tuck her in an tell her how special she is to you!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:14 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Maybe this is her reaction to the lack of bonding. Kids will often act out towards the parent they WANT the attention from the most (even bad attention is attention). Plus, by making comments comparing you to the other parent, she is trying to make you work harder to prove that you love her. If something has been lacking in the relationship, she may be trying to push you away b/c shes angry at you, but at the same time, she wants your love soooo badly. This could be hard for her to come to terms with at her age. I think 8 is old enough to sit down and really talk with her. Talk about why you two haven't bonded (emphasizing its not her fault), what you are planning on doing to strenghthen the bond (and what you won't be compared to dad..), and ask her what she wants from you (in terms of quality time, talks, etc). The most important thing is to reassure her that you love her and you want to be the best mom you can be.

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 2:26 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • The above. Daddy does it better? PROVE you LOVE ME. Its a natural reaction you see even in adults much less an 8 year old, you're gonna have to keep at it. And teach her how to deal with her own ambilivant feelings towards you and her own feeling of "not being good enough" for mommy and confront and over come them. Of course she's gonna push you away, the more you try the more you are proving you love her. Not exactly the healthiest behavior, but natural and prob. appropiate for her age.
    I LOVE Ozarkgirls answer.
    Good luck.

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 8:17 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • i know she is trying to push me away, and is acting out because of the lack of bonding earlier in life, the question is how do i get her to STOP pushing me away so i can START bonding with her?

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 11:29 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

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