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Would you inform the parent or school?

I have just been made aware that my 13 almost 14 in May dd has a "potty mouth". I found out by her supposed bff for over a year refusing to hang with her. She just told her the other day..out of nowhere...I won't be friends with you any longer. Of course my dd is upset & hurt beyond words as I "clean up" the damage.

I immediately called the bff's mother and ask what the heck is going on? a very condescending (self-righteous) tone...she begins to tell me stories of my dd's foul language dating all the way back to August! her dd just does not want to be around it. She claims she let her dd try to handle it on her own...hoping it would resolve itself. I have heard her use the words crap, a$$, freakin' here at home..and, immediately took action. ~CONT.~


Asked by Loryl at 1:10 PM on Feb. 25, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 11 (612 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • If another child were in my home cussing or acting in any matter that I think is unacceptable, I would say something to the parent or sit the child down myself & have a chat about what's acceptable in my home. I would not let it get to that point. I would expect any adult that is around my child to tell me when my child is misbehaving. But then I believe it takes a village.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 5:24 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • ~CONT.~ I have never heard her use the language...she is accused of. I'm NOT saying she doesn't use this language elsewhere. My point is...would you as parent, teacher, group leader, let's face it ADULT....immediately try to inform the parents, school etc. in this situation? Am I wrong for wanting to know what my kid is up to behind my! Sorry a angry here. Thanks.


    Answer by Loryl at 1:14 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • It really doesn't matter.. you can't fight her battles for her. If the kid doesn't want to be her friend, leave it at that. You might want to discuss with your daughter the fact of using bad language as it is offensive to some.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I think your anger is misdirected. And no, I don't think it was this woman's responsibility to tell you what was going on with your daughter, if it was something that was endangering her safety, yes, but a teenager with a potty mouth? No.

    Answer by gramsmom at 1:16 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • At that age? Probably not. I'd probably handle it like the other mother did (without the attitude), and try to let my child handle it themselves. By 13 or 14 yrs old, kids need to be dealing with certain problems on their own; having a friend who uses foul language that you don't appreciate is one of those problems. Now, if this was a teacher or other person specifically in charge of your daughter, then I'd say yes, I would expect they would inform you as her parent. But, I think what the other mother did was appropriate, although as I said, the attitude she took with you was wrong. I'd say she expected her daughter would explain to your daughter that she didn't want to be friends with someone with foul language, at which point your daughter would either clean up or get mad and go away. Her daughter apparently didn't handle it as well as her mom thought she would, but I don't think she was wrong.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 1:19 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Anon 11:15 Uhmmm...I think discussing her language with her since I found out has been a priority! Thanks tho.

    Answer by Loryl at 1:19 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I would teach my daughter not to use fowl language. i know it's freedom of speech, but maybe that's the real issue with this girl's mother. Maybe both of you need to teach your kids not to use fowl language. I dunno.

    Answer by Imogine at 1:21 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Wow, I think that two things are happening. Your daughter is growing up and realizing that her actions have consequences and that you are overreacting. Your daughter needs to deal with this ON HER OWN. It is a good way for her to solve an important problem that is not life or death. Honestly I cannot believe a true friend would dump another friend for that. That is very shallow.

    Answer by SusieD250 at 1:24 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I guess by these replies...thanks mamas.....I am over reacting. It's ok...I wanted opinions and respect them. I'm a very active in my dd's life....I like to try to stay informed about what is happening in her life. She was getting the most horrible, mean, texts from a couple of girls at school...I didn't know the parents...but, I immediately went to the school. There is a difference with just kid or girl stuff or downright mean and nasty. Problem was handled by the school and solved with no repercussions. I guess I just expected this mother who was so friendly in my face to be a little more direct with our dd's then to "just let it go".

    Answer by Loryl at 1:27 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Wow, I think that two things are happening. Your daughter is growing up and realizing that her actions have consequences

    Thank you....she is learning the hard way...but, hopefully she learns.

    Answer by Loryl at 1:31 PM on Feb. 25, 2009