Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms that are 30+ with mothers that are sick and need your help living with you

Need Advice! My mother is 57 years old and in January was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian and lymphoma cancer. She has been living with me for the past 3 years. Her words, "I need you here because you don't know the type of pain I am going through". I am a 32 year old divorced 10 years now single woman. I want to be married sometime soon. I have a friend that I am serious about but can't get any time with him because my mother is sick and says she needs me there 24/7. I have a brother that doesn't care for her to stay with him more than a week. She screams and yells at my 10 and 12 year old daugthers constantly for everything. Her memory is bad and if she forgets something she blames it on the girls. Its allot more to it though. What should I do and should I feel guilty when I go out with my friend. Of if she doesn't want me to go anywhere then he comes to the house. Help I wan to honor my mother

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Feb. 25, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • Have you thought of a HHA (Home Health Aid) that can maybe take some of burden off of you. You shouldn't feel guilty if you go out with your boyfriend. Your bother should feel guilty because he's not doing his part.
    Yellowrose9

    Answer by Yellowrose9 at 1:50 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I agree with the in-home care. You can hire a babysitter that cares only for adults, kind of like a house keeper. I think care.com has a spot for just those. Use her once a week for date night, or maybe get your mom involved with some other ladies that are going/have gone through her situation. Good luck. :)
    Emmy_Dollface

    Answer by Emmy_Dollface at 1:55 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • i agree with yellowrose9. Do all that you can do to be there for her. She doesnt want to feel alone. My great grandmother was the same way she was diagnosed with throat cancer and it quickly spread. But my life could be on hold for her. after all she wasnt gonna be there forever.
    Jmommy2B

    Answer by Jmommy2B at 1:57 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I'm sure she is in a lot of pain, but yelling at your children is wrong, and demanding you to give up your life for hers is wrong too. I'm for the home health care helper if you want to keep her in your home. I took care of my Mom while she fought cancer for almost 3 years, and I don't regret it at all, but my Mom complained very little, and was the opposite of your Mom, in that she wanted me to get out of the house some, to have a life of my own too. If you're wanting to be married, then your man is going to have to be included in some of the decision making of how to go about all of this too, as well as your kids feelings on it. Check in to the help and hopefully that will help you all some. She would likely benefit as someone else said to talk to other women going thru the same thing.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 2:00 PM on Feb. 25, 2009