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Moms that are 30+ with mothers that are sick and need your help living with you

Pleae vive me some advice! I wrote my mother was recently diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer. she lives with me I am single parent and have been for the past 10 years. I am ready to build a sstronger relationship with the guy I have been dating. But i need time to date him. My mother doesn't want me to leave the house because she is in so much pain. I do all that I can and have since January to make sure she is cared for. My friend even comes over every day voluteering to help her like an inhome health care provider. I don't want to be too stressed out with mom, work, kids and bills and not be able to take the time and get away from it all. My mother doesn't want me to go anywhere. She has been with me and I have been taking care of all the bills since she has been living with me. I just want a life without feeling guilty about the time I get away from the house and disrespecting her wishes. Please tell me what I should do. thnx

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Tari0676

Asked by Tari0676 at 2:11 PM on Feb. 25, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • Look into this site and you'll be able to find the answers that you're looking for.
    Good luck...

    http://www.cancerandcareers.org/women/appearances/support_groups/
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 2:20 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I think you are going to feel very guilty about having this resentment type feeling after she passes. You need to just spend as much time with her as you can. If this man really cares for you, he will be at your house by your side helping you and waiting until you are able to have a "normal" life. You mother raised you and took care of you, now it's your turn to return the favor.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • i have cared for ppl all my life it isnt easy and canser patients r the worst family is really tough my father in law had canser and so has my husband my husband sounds like yr mom u have to have time to ur self or she will get on ur last nerve stage 3 she doesnt have much time left here she probly just wants u with her when its her time to go its hard but in the end u will feel a peace nowing u did all u could as i said u have to take time for yr self or it can be over welming bbuzzin
    bbuzzin

    Answer by bbuzzin at 2:44 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I agree with other anon.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:51 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I dont agree that I will have resentment because it has been me with my mom for the past 3 years. She has been there with me and we have been helping eachother. I don't want to get into all the details. But I have done alot for my mother that I barely lived with as a child growing up. I lived everywhere else growing up because our relationship was rocky and she loved her "can do no wrong son" more. A child can always feel when the relationship is different not saying that it shouldn't be because everyone is different. But he could have gotten away with anything and me nothing. But in the end I am the one who has always been there for my mother. She doesn't feel like men are important. She had my kids while I was in Manila on work assignment, so she did help a whole lot there. I love and respect my mother because she is that my mother. But if she loved me she would want to see me happy. I dare my kids to stop living for me.
    Tari0676

    Answer by Tari0676 at 3:08 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • .Are you talking about just a couple of hours or what? Stage 3 isn't the end and she may be scared to be alone. I KNOW you need to go out for a little while and get your head back on straight. If she wasn't in this stage it may be different, but, she feels the end is near.If you can, hire someone for the evening or the weekend. It will not hurt anything ,but,talk to the doctors first and explain to them what is going on. They will probably tell you to go out and it will help you. You need a break to help you also. It can get to the point that the stress will get to you and thats not good for anyone. Take care of you so you can continue to help mom.☺
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 4:58 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Stage 3 is close to the end but not tomorrow or the next day, but, I am sure you know that.☺Its when stage 4 comes that I would say don't go!.....What type of cancer does she have?
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 5:03 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • She has ovarian and lymphoma cancer
    Tari0676

    Answer by Tari0676 at 7:52 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

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