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I am looking for info on how to step-parent when mom has borderline personality disorder. I am especially interested in success stories...even just one!!!!

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:02 PM on Feb. 25, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • I'm going to need a little more info.

    Answer by Farrahann at 3:04 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Its vague more information is needed but if she is diagnosed then you should also seek counseling to see whats the best way to handle it. If shes not and youre just diagnosing then you still need counseling.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:07 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I am pretty much in the same boat. My bonus son's mother is a bit odd (depression and personality disorder) but I just do the very best I can for him. We try to communicate with her over and over again about certain issues and she either replys with a very limited answer or no answer at all. Fun! Just to let you know you are not the only one in the world just try your best.

    Answer by jem102675 at 3:09 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • If youre the step mom theres no reason why you should have to do anything. Disengage from the situation and let your dh/so handle his ex wife. The sooner you do the sooner you will feel alot better.

    Answer by gemgem at 3:09 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I have a success story...My father remarried when I was 14. I didn't like her from the beginning and my mother was so over the top nuts that she made my life miserable and I am sure my stepmothers life miserable. I felt so pulled between the two worlds. I lived with my dad and I went weeks without talking to my step mother. She didnt really do anything wrong, it was just her presence I didn't care for. She kept loving me and kept praying for me. My mother moved away when I was almost 16 and all I had left was my dad and stepmother. They began to create the peaceful home that I always wanted. I slowly but surely began conversing with her and we got along okay. I hated it when she tried to discipline me. I was far too old to be punished by someone who had not been there all that time. Today I am in my 30's and my dad and step mother are my greatest advocates and encouragers. She turned out to be very trustworthy.

    Answer by momofsaee at 3:11 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I had a stepmom and always hated her. She was the reason my parents split up and acted like she wasnt but I remembered even at 5 yrs old meeting her when my dad was still with my mom and we would go home like he had done nothing wrong. Once mom found out she threw dad out and he moved in with soon to be stepmom. She tried to get custody of me from my mom, acted like she was better then my mom, called her crazy, told people she was diagnosed psychopathic LOL all sorts of crap. My mom was none of those things. She wasnt perfect but this sm was a nightmare. They did end up taking me from my mom after going to court so much my mom just couldnt handle it. I was 8. When I turned 12 I went back to court with my mom and begggggggged the judge to let me go home and the judge did. I havent been back to see my dad since or that idiot sm. So be careful. If she isnt really diagnosed and ur name calling the kids will hate u.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • A non above me. Your parents split up because your father did what he did to your mother.
    Not because of your stepmother. I am sure your father has a mind of his own.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:21 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • This is more info from the anon. person asking! She has been diagnosed, but does not accept the diagnosis. I would consider the diagnosis "grown-up" information that I would not share with the kids. They love their mom, she loves them, but she also does crazy things at times--4 hour screaming jags, alcoholism, leaving for a month at a time, etc. I support her to the kids.

    Answer by EnnieN at 3:28 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • As to the success story: thank you so much for your words. On one of these step-parent websites I saw a quote that I am now going to totally butcher...something like "The love that my husband's children and I shared was beautiful because it was not the required love between a parent and child, but love that grew out of the friendship that developed through my parenting of them." My relationship with my SDs is new, but after two years, the three of us regularly say we see each other as some of the best friends we have ever had. Obviously, for me, they are kid friends...there are lots of ways I would never lean on them that they lean on me...there is something amazing about developing a deep friendship/parent relationship without all the readymade assumptions about the outcome. You did not know your stepmom would give what she has to you, nor did she expect the gift your words present to is an un-asked for gift.

    Answer by EnnieN at 5:20 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • neighbor next store borderline....physco....controlling,likes everything her way.everything is either black or white ,she loves you or hates you.very paranoid...have fun and get ready for the ride...

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:36 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

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