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I need honest opinions.

My oldest dd was caught by my oldest son with her boyfriend on top of her on the couch making out...this happened at my mom's house. I feel that this is showing disrespect to my parents and my trust in my dd boyfriend is now compromised. I have been thinking about this and I am wondering what you ladies would do in this situation. This literally has caused a literal knock them out and drag them out fight between my 2 oldest all because my oldest son told me about her and her boyfriends bad behavior and my dd is mad at him. My dh and I are at our wits end and are having a hard time coming up with an answer to this problem. My first instinct is to ban her from seeing him ever again but I know that will not solve a darn thing. I am considering having a sit down talk with this boy and my daughter and just tell him that I have no trust left in him. I am looking for some input because I can't think straight right now.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:58 PM on Feb. 25, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Obviously anon is not the parent of a teen and has no clue.....okay...I think youre right to be upset. First of all, its not about kissing. Its about the blatant disrespect for your parents home. Its not like you didn't know they kiss but you didn't really want to know the details. I would not only be mad at him, but her too. I think he could have had enough guts to say..hey, this is your grandmothers home and I don't feel comfortable doing that here. She could have said the same thing. I would let them know that all trust has been broken and if this is how they are going to act when they think no ones looking, then they just won't be alone. They need to be chaperoned. I think sitting down with both of them and having what I call "a come to jesus meeting". Lay it all out there, emotions and all. Definitely make sure you are calm. Come up with your consequences before this meeting and don't let her talk you out of it. Be strong
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 2:17 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • You need to invite them both over for dinner, lay down the new rules, and have your husband look at him and say to him "you are not going to treat my daughter like an unpaid whore, even is she is volunteering herself up for it. Do you understand me?" And then make sure they are never alone together. If your husband looks him in the face and says that, you will probably not have too many more problems with them.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 4:13 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • first how old is your daughter? i am going to assume that she is under 18. i would sit your daughter and her boyfriend down and let them know how you feel. then inform them that since they have comprimised your trust-then the only time they can spend time together is in your home while you are home. and it will continue to be like that until you feel that you can trust them again. and so theres no confusion-make them aware that they have to earn your trust back..it doesnt just happen.
    as for her feelings toward her brother-ask her if she had caught him in that situation, would she have hesitated to tell you about what he was doing? i hope this helps. my son is only 2 so i dont have to worry about that yet.
    SThompson21

    Answer by SThompson21 at 4:14 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Oh my gosh! Teenagers were making out. What has the world come to. You would think they could be boyfriend and girlfriend and not kiss,
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:20 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Call the boy's parents and arrange for a meeting of all of you. Sit them down & have a talk about sex, emotions, pregnancy & birth control. Bring a cucumber & condoms. Make them both demonstrate how to put it on correctly. The more embarrassment you provide them, the less likely it will go farther. If it should, at least they know how to properly use a condom.
    motherofhope98

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 5:30 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Oh my gosh! Teenagers were making out. What has the world come to. You would think they could be boyfriend and girlfriend and not kiss,

    That is a really helpful answer Anonymous! NOT!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:50 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I've had to do this with one of my teens. First me and my dh talked to our daughter about what was ok and wasn't. Then we sit both of them down and told them what we thought about the incident and we didn't want it to happen again. We explained to them about the respect it showed to us while they were in our home. I also called the bf's mother and she had a talk with the 2 of them also. Things are going to happen, but we don't need to let them think it's okay for them to act like that.
    Motherof640351

    Answer by Motherof640351 at 6:41 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • first, your daughter and her boyfriend probably didn't even realize they were being disrespectful. when i was a junior in high school my boyfriend and i did a lot worse than make out in my mom's house....i am not saying your daughter is doing that, but it could be a lot worse. she is a teenager and they have a lot of hormones. i do not know how old your daughter is, but I would explain to her your expectations - what is considered respectful, etc. The more you make your daughter comfortable with talking to you about things like this the more you will know about what she is doing... also, after talking with her, you should also talk to her boyfriend. don't make it like they are in trouble...just let them know how it made you feel.

    and let your daughter know that this is not your son's fault. that this is a good thing and needed to be talked about anyway.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 8:55 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • ok sit them down and talk about the rules. huummm ok shouldn't she already know the rules? my kids know that they are not to act like that but kids will be kids. were they ready to touch and i too wondered how old she is. being that i'm a bit prude i would not let her see her boyfriend for awhile until she learns to respect your rules and see how bad she takes it. based on her actions i would gauge the level of maturity she has and he has and then decide when and under certain new guidelines when she is allowed to see her bf again. making out isn't that bad but it can lead to other things so i would make sure i would find a way to make sure that things like that don't happen again. like they can't be alone anywhere not even the movies. if only i had my mother around more to keep me from being boy crazy.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 9:10 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Not to offend but why are you mad at HIM and lost trust in HIM? BOTH of them were making out, I would talk to them together about it and tell them that it isn't acceptable behavior, but not flip out on them. Also telling her she cannot see him will NOT break them up, just push them closer together.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 10:26 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

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