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Can anyone give me advice on how to calm my obsessive worries and doubts while going through a single pregnancy? Or any advice on single parenting?

I'm single and pregnant. The father of my baby totally denied all responsibility and has treated me horribly (swearing at me, emotional abuse...to the point where I feared physical harm). We weren't dating long before I got pregnant, but he refused to use protection and then accepted no responsibility. He didn't call me once to see if I was doing "o.k." and I'm 22 weeks pregnant, but now he's out of the country serving in the military and will not be here when the baby is born. I'm considering raising this child all on my own because I already have love for the baby and I think I would be a good mom. However, I've been fearing what features of the father will be present in the child. I'm pretty sure now that the father must have mental issues...and I'm scared that no matter how loving I am as a parent, the child will show some of these attributes. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I'm also looking at open adoption.

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Greta22

Asked by Greta22 at 8:51 PM on Feb. 25, 2009 in Pregnancy

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Answers (10)
  • Sorry hun that your going through this! I'm sure everything will work out. I would pray about it and i would really consider keeping the child. This type of thing happened to a friend and all she focuses on is the attributes that came from her =D. Good Luck!
    CaityMarie

    Answer by CaityMarie at 8:59 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Well, 1st off, its great that he has left and is out of the country, cuz he sounds like a real dick, and would you want someone like that raising your beautiful, innocent baby? 2nd, i cannot begin to understand the amount of worry you have on being a single mom. but remember that alot of women do it. look to your friends, look to your family. you are not alone, and you wont be alone for this. Stay strong, and you will find everything will fall into place. and no matter what the baby looks like or how he acts, you will feel immense, unconditional love for him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:01 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • If you decide to keep the baby definitely make sure you get the father to sign away all of his rights to it, that will be one less thing to worry about. Just because the father is a jerk doesn't mean that your child will be - don't let that be the reason to give the child up. and keep in mind that even when you are happily married pregnancy brings out a lot of fears and insecurities. I am 29 weeks pregnant and married to the love of my life and it's still scary...
    stepmom929

    Answer by stepmom929 at 9:04 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • trust me you do not need that piece of shit sorry but no other way too put it and trust me you can do it your self been there with my oldest daughter it was just me and her for over 3 yrs and in the end we have found someone who loves us both and is way better too her then anyone could ask for and someday you will find the same don't let him make you think you can't do anything and that you have too give up that baby that you have learned too love so much cause you don't have too
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:05 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I was in this same situation when I was pregnant with my daughter, I was also in high school. I chose to keep my daughter however not until 2 weeks before I had her. Her bio father to this day denies he is the father but paternity has been proven- 99.99 %. He doesn't see her, call nothing and that is ok. Once, he was around and our life was terrible. We are better off without him. You can be an excellent parent without him !! I wouldn't put his name on the birth certificate. Don't worry about him not calling, you really are better off without the stress he would cause. Good Luck!!
    lilpatti

    Answer by lilpatti at 9:17 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Being a single parent is not that hard really as long as you have your mind set for such. As to the genetics, it is amazing what things may or may not carry through. Science is not sure on any of this because even though it has been proven that children whose parents had mental issues are more likely to ahve the same mental issues tehmselves, it can't be decided whether this is due to heredity or from the upbringing. A child with a depressed parent is more likely to be depressed simply because their parent's constant state of distress. It is not a sure bet that simply because the father has issues that the child will. For example my mother is a paranoid schizo. I have a 10% higher chance of also being schizo...higher than you or anyone else in the world. If I had lived with my mother during my childhood my chances would be 80% higher. I still hear no voices so i think I am safe. Although I worry as to whether it can skip a gen
    Lovemybabies885

    Answer by Lovemybabies885 at 9:20 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I haven't been in the situation of the father not wanting to be involved, but from what it sounds like, you are going to be going at it alone. I may get hatemail for saying this, but if you have any doubts about being able to give your baby the life you want it to have, then I would definitely encourage you to keep looking into the adoption option. I'm sorry you had such an a-hole boyfriend, but it takes two people to have unprotected sex, and you should make the decision which is best for the new life you created, whether that means raising it yourself (your child will not have a father) and making sacrifices, OR giving the child a loving family (and dealing with the emotional backlash). Good luck--and pray about it!
    Tylersm0m

    Answer by Tylersm0m at 9:23 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Keep the baby, you will regret it when u do especially in the future. Im 17 and a aingle mother of a 3 month old(almost 4 months) and you can do it!!! The father of my baby is a dick to me and he we broke up when i was pregnant! i went threw the whole pregnancy by myself, the father wasnt even there for the birth but I dont care now, cuz once u have that beautiful baby u will forget all the shit you went threw. Just Keep The Baby! Being a single parent isnt that bad at all!! Good Luck!
    MommyOct.31

    Answer by MommyOct.31 at 9:43 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • i did it w/ my 1st, it sucked but i did it and all that mattered 2 me as that my little girl knew i loved her
    iheartkewi

    Answer by iheartkewi at 9:49 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • dont do adoption unless you cant support the baby cause then he/she will feel like you never loved it im getting a divorce when my son is born and we have been seperated before i knew i was pg its gonna be hard and your gonna get depressed but just remember that the thing that baby needs most is you i dont know how old you are but im only 18 and already have a 14 month old daughter and i know that we are diffrent ppl but you can do it also remember this unless the baby's dad is around you really wont have to worry about him influenceing your child yeah they are gonna look and act like him but you can correct them and teach them the right way to be and if they have mental issues so be it all the more reason to love your baby
    bugbug07

    Answer by bugbug07 at 1:08 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

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