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Love ...

I am a very happily married woman,
but there was a man I was deeply in love with
three years ago. I thought we were going to
get married and I loved him with all that I had.
We broke up though because of family issues,
but remained close for a while until he went off
to college. A year ago, he found out he had
Luekemia and this past September, before he turned
21, he passed away. I was unable to attend the funeral
and viewing, mainly because I was 6 months pregnant.
Another reason, is because my husband didn't think it
was appropriate. I feel like I never got closure from it, &
my husband doesn't quite understand why I'm sad about
his passing to this day. I still blame him for not letting me go ...
I honestly still have these feelings for my exboyfriend, even
though he's dead and gone ... what should I do?
Should I tell my husband, should I keep it to myself,
let it go? Am I wrong for

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:13 AM on Feb. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • I think you should talk to your husband. Obviously keeping it in isn't working for you and letting it go doesnt seem to be an option either. Try to put yourself in your husband's shoes though. Would you want him to to go his long lost love's funeral? I know he's dead but its still and awkward and delicate situation.
    But talk to dh and let him know how youre feeling. Try not to blame him though.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 2:24 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • i dont think you are wrong to feel this way-you are grieving. i love my husband with all of my heart, and i know that i was not meant to be with anyone in my past, but there are some relationships ive had that i would be very sad and upset if something were to happen to those guys. im sure it was an awkward thing for your husband at the time and he just wasnt sure how to handle it all. if you are starting to feel resentment towards your DH over it, then i do think you may need to talk to him about it. but just make sure you let him know how much you love HIM and that you know you were not meant to be w/this other guy, but that at one time in your life he was special to you, and you need to grieve over him. i dont know whether you should have gone, and i dont know whether or not its your husbands "fault" that you didnt. but i do know you need to grieve, and get on with your future with your husband...
    ivelostmyself

    Answer by ivelostmyself at 2:29 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • I went through something similar; I had been on an extended trip, when I got back I called 'him' but some else answered his phone - I was told by a stranger that the man I had been in-love with ( and having an affair with) for 7 years was dead. I was married, he was not.
    It was the worst pain I have ever felt. My, now, Ex knew about this man and knew that I'd been seeing him for a long time (very long story ). In the end, I told my H that I had to have closure; how I had loved this man and I wouldn't be able to move on until I said goodbye. I went to the cemetery and there I stayed 4 a very long time. The most morbid feeling I've ever had, cuz I wanted nothing more at that moment than to claw him out of the ground with my bare hands, just to prove to myself that he was really gone. It took 2 years of counseling b4 I could even say his name and the word dead in the same sentence. I have 2 words for you; grief counseling
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:51 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • My childhood sweetheart (actually my first everything) was killed in a horrible accident 2 years ago. I was engaged at the time, hadn't seen David in over 20 years, but I was devastated. He was a part of me, he was a part of my past and in my mind he was very much still very important to me in my heart. He had a wife and children and his wife knew who I was, I knew who she was. She knew that I knew that even though I was his first, she was his love. My fiance (now my DH) understood that I needed to close that chapter. It was hard for him to see me grieve over another man, but he understood why, because he understood that my ability to love sincerely and genuinely although not 'sexually' was a part of me and he wanted that part of me to be okay. Talk to your husband and tell him how much this person was/is a part of you and how you have to move on and can only do so by closing this chapter and saying goodbye.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 6:59 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • what would be the point of telling your husband? This sounds like you need some grief counseling with a professional. If they say tell hubby then do so but this just seems like a personal thing. I see it only causing you problems by telling hubby.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:18 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

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