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Anyone have/had a cheating narcissistic husband? Need to talk...

I am new to cafe mom. This is my 1st question. I don't know where to start. I am 47 years old, mom of two boys ages 15 and 11. My Hus. is extremely intelligent, tall and handsome, successful businessman. He commands a presence when he enters any room. People are naturally attracted to him. For the most part, he is a good person. We are Christians. My boys are both very bright. The oldest is ADHD, Dyslexic, has allergies, anxiety, asthma, and an extremely rare heart defect, along w/an extremely high IQ. He is a good kid, that requires a lot. 3 years ago my son was to undergo open heart surg. My mother in another state was dying a slow awful death. I had just started a small business. Things were not good between my Hus. and I. After confronting him, I discovered his affair w/a 15 yr younger wm. He is very controlling & narcissitic. Ive tried, weve had counsleing. I've hidden this and his issues. Do I stick it out?

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Asked by tomatonbasil at 8:53 AM on Feb. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I divorced someone diagnosed with NPD so Id need more information on what leads you to believe he has this. Im also a psychmajor. Ill be around off and on today if you want to email me I can give you some links on how to deal with someone with NPD and survive.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:56 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • Ugh, IDK what to tell you, girl. The answer is probably w/ a minister since you are a Christian.

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 8:58 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • I think youve tried for 47 years, and if hes cheated on you then you need to go find a man that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated! If you guys have tried everything and you cant work out, dont let yourself stay miserable, please go find your happiness.

    Answer by HappyWifeNmom at 9:11 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • You didn't tell us what you want to do. Do you feel like the marriage can be selvaged? Will he give up the OW? Would you be ok on your own? I'm guessing being a narcissist he has drained you along with all the other things. Perhaps you should take some time to rest and clear your head then decide what you want.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:11 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • Your kids are older they would probbly handle it ok,if he is that controlling i would conceder leaving. But i would get my stuff straight first,money wise and talk to a lawyer before he does.I mean he went behind your back and did stuff why can't you look out for yourself before all this go's down.If you haven't been geting along for a while you know he's got to be thinking the same thing.On the other hand i would try to get him to talk to a minister and/or doctor-For meds.

    Answer by kim168 at 9:13 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • I think part of the problem may be in the fact that you have covered for him. It may be time to go to a pastor or someone whom you trust and spill the beans. Men really do better when they are held accountable by other men. He probably needs to be confronted by another man, who will look him in the eye and tell him the truth about himself and what he is doing.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:39 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • "I think part of the problem may be in the fact that you have covered for him. It may be time to go to a pastor or someone whom you trust and spill the beans".

    I completely agree. Holding this secret in is killing you and allowing him to be free of the consequences. What's the point of going to councilling if you won't put out your biggest problem forward to be worked on????

    Kind of like painting a house that has a weak foundation, it will crumble....but if you fix the foundation first.... after some work...eventually you can paint that house.

    Answer by Niki_sd at 10:19 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

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