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im not a bad person

everyone dislikes me....or shall i say they walk all over me.they say things to me and do things to my child that arent nice.basically it has come to the point where i dont go out much.i havent talked to anyone lately and just stay on my own.my husband says its cause i am a easy target and people know they can walk all over me.so basically i am down to no friends.i dont know why.i dont want to yell at these people which is what my hub says i should do.but life is getting lonely.and i think this is reflecting on my child.any advice at all would be accepted

Answer Question
 
snowmom974

Asked by snowmom974 at 11:44 AM on Feb. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • do what i do go off on them and then they will leave you alone i learned not to be to nice cause people will walk all over you so stand up for yourself
    wendy232425

    Answer by wendy232425 at 11:48 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • You will get respect from people as soon as you respect yourself. That is the same with love. Start loving yourself.....Don't listen to people who tell you negative things. I'm sure you are a wonderful mother, person and so just lacking self-esteem. Try to love yourself more.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:48 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • Oh honey you need to grow a back bone and stop being a doormat. Telling people how you feel about a situation is NOT being mean it's standing up for yourself. I am so sorry you feel this way. As soon as you make the decision to take a stand, you will find people will respond much more positively. Some people are just always looking for the "whipping boy" so to speak, don't let yourself be that way anymore. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your child, they need to see a strong Mommy so they know what to do as they are faced with similar people in their lfe. Good Luck Mama.

    happyathomemum

    Answer by happyathomemum at 11:49 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • Make new friends. Any one that is willing to use you and make you feel bad, is not a true friend. They don't sound like relationships worth saving so move on and make new ones!
    kboney29

    Answer by kboney29 at 11:49 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • I'll bet you $10 that if someone tried to steal your child you wouldn't allow it. Right?

    So then why are you letting them steal your and your child's joy? The joy and enjoying your child and enjoying life is something you should defend like a feeding momma bear. Take back your joy woman! Hold your head up and turn a blind eye and determined heart to those people who treat you like that.

    I did... and it worked. Even my own mean-ass family (parents ans siblings) don't growl at me anymore (they used to walk on me - now they know they'll get bit if they even try it).
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 11:55 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • Take a look in the mirror. Do you really think you're a bad person? I've got news for you, you're not. After all, your husband must have found something about you he likes, he married you, right? As for those other people. I know it's hard, but stand your ground. Don't let yourself be a doormat anymore. If someone doesn't have anything nice to say to you, just smile, and walk away. Don't let people see you upset, because then they think you're just weak and they can push you around. The only ones you really need to worry about is your family. Your husband, and your child, and most importantly, you. Take your child to the park, or library, and don't ever walk with your head hung down low. Straighten your back, head up high, and to hell with what others think. You know you are a wonderful person with alot to offer and if other people can't accept or see it, then they don't deserve to be your friend. ~hugs~
    miranda2001

    Answer by miranda2001 at 11:56 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • You need to be stronger. Know what you will tolerate and what you
    will
    not
    tolerate. You are a good person and by letting people walk on you, you are allowing them to disrespect you. And trust me, people who do stuff like that are not
    your friends, nor would you want friends like that period.
    Please momma grow some muscles, your children are watching you daily. You are their example.
    If you do not want them to get walked on, like I am sure you don't...
    Get tough...demand respect and stop letting people
    crap on you...and your family..
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 11:57 AM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • Look into an assertive training class. I took one at a local university. Call a local mental health facility to see where one is offered. I'm not saying you have a mental health issue, I'm saying your issue can lead to depression and since they deal with depression they would know where a class is. Obviously if this is affecting you this way it can affect your child. It's also teaching the child to be walked all over so stand up to people for the well being of your child. Sometimes we moms won't do stuff for ourselves but find strength to do it for our kids.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:09 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • There's an expression that says you can't be a doormat unless you lay down. You need to start standing up for yourself, and also, if they're treating your child badly, for your child as well. You don't have to be nasty to do this. They want you watch your kids on Tuesday, and you don't want to, then say "Sorry, I can't help you Tuesday," If they ask why, say "I have other plans." If they ask what, look at them with a shocked and or stern look and say "That's personal, and I'm sorry, but I really don't have to justify my life or my plans to you, I'm not able to help you on Tuesday. So, did you see that episode of ___(insert favorite show here, or otherwise pointedly change the subject.)

    If they push it, say, "Again, I'm sorry I can't help you. Since it seems so important to you and you seem so preoccupied with it, maybe we should talk later, so you can focus on getting a sitter now." And leave/ escort them to the door.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:41 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • if they're talking nasty about you, etc, then, Sweetie, they aren't your friends to begin with, and the longer you hang with them, then the longer it will be before you make new, real, friends - because there's the expression of "birds of a feather", so if you're hanging out with nasty people, then people who don't know you, but might know one or more of them, or how they are, and are going to assume you're like they are and avoid you. This happened to my dd - she was new at a school and trying to make friends and miserable, they were mean to her, she didn't fit in, etc, but she thought it was better than being alone. Finally, we talked about it enough and she came to the conclusion that she was miserable anyway, so miserable alone was better than having these people be mean. Lo and behold, once she stopped hanging with them, she made some GREAT friends she had a lot in common with.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:45 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

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