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i caught a naked picture of women in my teenage (13) step son,i never let them use the computer again except for homework,,& i found condum in his wallet what should i do? we end up fighting when we talk about it ..i dont wnat him to be mad at me..

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step_mom78

Asked by step_mom78 at 3:02 PM on Feb. 26, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (12)
  • This is territory for his dad. I'd stay out of it.
    timelessglass

    Answer by timelessglass at 3:04 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • Sence you said step-son,,,I will tell you to tell you DH about it and then leave it alone. That is your DH's and your step-sons bio-moms problem.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:12 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • I agree, DH should be handling this completely.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 3:16 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • Agreed that his dad needs to step in. Another observation: you don't want him to be mad at you. WRONG way to parent. Kids are going to be mad at us sometimes, especially if we enforce rules and make them mind. Stop worrying about him being mad at you.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 3:22 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • Boys will be boys. At least he's not smoking pot or stealing stuff from stores. Talk to your husband about his family values and how best to deal with it together (ideally with the ex-wife's buy in as well if she is an active parent)
    lizrider

    Answer by lizrider at 6:55 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • actually,my step son bio logical mom is not allowed to see them..shes a missed up woman,,i try my best to decepline my step kids..
    step_mom78

    Answer by step_mom78 at 7:32 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • what part upsets you? That he looks at naked women like millions of healthy male teens do or that he's planning on being responsible if he's with someone? You should be patting him on the back for the condom not yelling at him. For goodness sakes, this is natural and healthy. If you can't talk with him rationally then let dad do it. Why are you even in the middle of this anyway? If dad's ok with it what's your complaint? It sounds to me like he's a normal, healthy young man who has a plan to protect himself from stds and unwanted pregnancies. Good for him.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:44 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • are you sure the naked woman was his? Maybe it was dad's. If you are so busy going through ss's wallet then maybe dad is being ignored and needing to see someone else naked.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:45 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • hi there. i understand your concerns as i too have a teen who recently had a condom in his wallet and it totaly upset me too!! i was caught unprepared for his venture of selfdiscovery. i was both concerned that he was possibly having sex and comforted that he was protecting himself. for the sake of his self confidence i took it to my husband and asked him to reinforce our christian values but reminded him that the ultimate choices in his life are his and that if he was going to explore that to make sure to protect himself from pregnancy and stds. as for him to be mad at you........you CANT ignore it because hes mad!! you are the parent!! act like it!! it is your job to teach him. if you dont he really will have a reason to be mad when something happens. the choices he makes are his but the lessons you teach help him make those decissons with wisdome and knowledge. dont give in to the i want to be his friend thing!!
    allforthelove

    Answer by allforthelove at 2:59 AM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • I for one do not understand the push for stepparents to back off and leave everything to bioparents IF the step is a primary parent and has been for a large portion of the childs life. That said you don't say what your DH says about this,is he freaked too, ignoring it/too laid back, or trying to talk to your SS? Curiosity about the naked body is totally normal for teen boys, you have to decide with DH what is acceptable for your family and make rules/ guidelines for the children. DH and I have decided that it is a battle we don't want to fight and told DS (16) that he is not to pay for porn, and talked to him about the fact that porn is about as real as horror movies are. As far as the condom, I have the attitude that it is better for teens to have them and not need them than need them and not have them, atleast he is planning on protecting himself. Also he could have gotten it b/c friends had them & wants to fit in.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 8:52 AM on Feb. 27, 2009

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