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I have been with my boyfriend for two years now, we met in the army and we were together 4 months before i got pregnant. unfortunetly we found out two days before we were supposed to go to Iraq. Well while he was in Iraq he was telling me how much he loved me but also telling his best friend (who happened to be a girl and an old crush) that he did not love me, i was not the one he wanted to be with for the rest of his life, among other meaner things. he's been home since April 08, and has been a sweet heart but i still don't know what to believe! Should i believe what he tells me and that he truly loves me or should i believe what he tells his best girlfriend and leave before he can break my heart. I love him i really do but i can't stand around and simply hope he loves me for me and he's not just with me out of obligation because i had his son, that will not be good for any involved. Anyone who can help I need all i can get!

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:57 PM on Feb. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Where did you hear he said those things about you? His best girlfriend? If so, don't believe her...she's trying to break you guys up.

    Answer by timelessglass at 5:03 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • All I can do is give you an example. My cousin has told me he is staying with his wife because of the kids. He loves his kids and is afraid she would take them from him. He denies this to his wife. So......I hope this isn't the case in your situation.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:03 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • How do you know he said those things? Does he treat you bad, if he didnt love you or care for you he would treat you as such, just something to think about. If he is an ass to you, be littles you, mistreats you, etc, chances are good he is not in love or love you... If he is the opposite, he cares or loves you very much. Actions speak louder than words

    Answer by midnightmoma at 5:07 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • why does he still have contact with her? sometimes when pple have contact with ex's means that they arent over them.

    Answer by americansugar80 at 5:14 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • 1st - How do you KNOW he said this? Other than the fact that she told you he did - have you seen the emails from him? And I mean see them in entirety, and the ones before and after that one - including the ones she might have sent him, so you have everything in context?

    If so, then I would talk to him about it, because maybe he was having cold feet, was freaked out by the whole "one woman, FOREVER" thing, and he really does love you, but was feeling a little freaked and in over his head while in an environment that is pretty stressful already? (I'm prior military, my dh is military, we also met while both were on AD, so I understand where you're coming from, and I know you'll understand what I'm saying there about the stressful environment.)


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:17 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • cont

    Now, if, as I suspect (I could be wrong though), all you have to vouch for all of this is that she's told you - let me guess - "as a friend" because "we women need to stick together and I would hate to see you hurt when he's just playing you" and so on - then frankly, I would forget about it and move on with your life with this man and your child.

    Because, honestly, as the expression goes - Actions speak louder than words. You said he treats you well, "is a sweetheart", etc - he is acting like a man that loves you, and loves your son, and so on, not to mention the fact that he is also telling you the same thing - so you have BOTH ACTIONS and WORDS that say he loves you.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:21 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • cont

    I understand not wanting to be with someone only because you're having a kid with them - my dh and I were engaged when I got pg. I tried to end it, because I didn't want him to marry me b/c of it. He told me to not be stupid - we were already engaged, we already loved each other and wanted to be together, so why should I worry about what people thought, and since we loved each other, why should having a kid be a bad thing to end our relationship? Btw - we got married, are still married & that baby is in 10th grade :-)

    If you're still that concerned though - then get them both together and confront her - say that you love him, and believe he does love you, but you're concerned about what she's been telling you about your relationship. Either she's lying and she will deny it and you will know it, or, unlikely - she isn't, and he will know she's been telling you.

    I'm betting she wants him though & thats what this is

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:27 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • If a woman wants to discourage another woman from expecting a relationship from a man, it is very convenient to tell the other woman that the man has said this and that. Give it time. You'll find out by the way he treats you whether he loves you. I am sorry to suggest it, but if she told you such bad things, it makes me wonder if he was trying to get a little sumthin sumthin from her. In which case, both of you have been wronged. It may be a good idea to take steps to not have more children by him until you are absolutely certain. See how he treats you and his child.

    Answer by Bmat at 5:42 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • Oh, one other thought - just doing some rough math, if he was deployed for a year (if it was a 15 mo deployment or longer, add the extra months to all of this), you have been with this guy for over 2 yrs.

    4 months together. Plus 12 mos deployed. Came home in April 08. It is almost March of 09, so that has been 11 mos ago. 4 + 12 + 11 = 27 months he's been with you, minimum. 12 months of that, minimum, he was away from you and your ds already, so staying with you in a long distance relationship didn't make him any closer to his ds. He's been home for almost a year, treating you and your ds well, saying he loves you, etc.

    Yet you want to doubt this, based on the word of his ex, whether she's currently his friend or not? It sounds to me like she's wanting to be a little more "friendly" again, and knows she can't get him to leave you, so she's hoping to get you to leave him.

    Btw - I read this to my dh, and he agrees.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:36 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

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