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Is anyone else in the same boat?

I have only been married two years and I feel like my marriage has hit a serious rut. Everything has gotten so routine. I have tried new sexual things and trying to be spontaneous and do cool things with my husband, nothing nuts, just fun, but he says he is happy with the way things are. Every month that goes by he is turning in to Mr. Rogers!! By 8pm he is ready for bed and that means going to sleep. LITERALLY, if I want to try to seduce him I better start working on it by seven!!! His idea of a fun night out is driving to Blockbuster instead of renting something thru our cable. How can I communicate my frustration and have results? I don't know what happened to him. I mentioned a weekend getaway and his answer: "I can SLEEP at home for free." Get my point? Help!!!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:17 PM on Feb. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • If he's not getting sex with you, I'd ask myself where he is getting it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:20 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • Maybe this is his idea of what marriage is. Probably his parents were the same way. You should talk to him in a way where you don't insult him. Just tell him in a nice way what your needs are. Tell him that he has changed and what happened to the guy you used to date before marriage.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 5:24 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • Maybe hes tressed about money..."Sleep at home for free"

    Guys are like secret codes you have to figureout .They will never tell you whats wrong or whats buggin em unless its really neccessary..

    Try breaking routines..dont make plans..just do something spontanious.. :)
    Maybe a phical activity like basketball with you and hubs..alone time, plsu you guys get to communicate in a diff way?..can always lead to something > Good luck tho ...God bless :)

    Answer by aMbeR012005 at 5:29 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • It would be a good idea for him to get a physcial exam. Sometimes there are hormonal changes that could make him feel tired and disinterested. If he checks out OK, then arrange for the weekends away. My husband and I enjoy them. When we are home there is always an interruption or other responsibilities that need to be done. When you are away you can stroll around leisurely, have a peaceful meal, see a show, and lots of talking. It may take a few weekends to achieve the desired effect.

    Answer by Bmat at 5:34 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • I would talk to him about it. Tell him that you love him very much, and that you understand that for a lot of guys, once you're married, it means you've "won" your woman, and you don't have to work at it.
    Explain that while it's great that he's comfortable in the marriage and secure enough in your love to feel this way, you are still the same person you were before you got married, and you still need romance and seduction in your life. Explain - in a very gentle, non confrontational, way that you DO love him, and you do have a GOOD marriage, but you want to have a GREAT marriage, so you know that it will be able to survive all bumps in the road that marriages face over the years.

    No "you need to do __or you don't __ " sorts of things - say things like "It's really important to me to feel that I'm just as sexy to you as I used to be, how about if we set aside __night as a romantic date night? It would mean a lot to me...

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:34 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • I went through this when my DH turned 30. He became such a prude it bothered me. I couldn't tell if it was his age messing with his mind or him just seeing someone else.
    I only talk once and if that don't work I got to different mesasures which I did. The last time I had to deal with it I made it clear if I can't get what is needed for the both of us then I would be fidning someone else to fulfill his end of the marriage. That got his head turned around the right way. I'm not the one for cheating but I am the one for leaving a man who can't satisfy me and he knows that.

    Answer by mommatime78 at 5:50 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • You didn't find out all this before you married him? He can't be a performing monkey all the time. Maybe the man is just tired and needs his rest to work and give Cinderella all that she wants. Geez, your marriage is settling into a marriage and the honeymoon is over. It happens. Now love him for who he is, not what performance he can give you. Find the good in the man and quit whining over him wanting to sleep. If that's as bad as he gets you are a lucky woman. Not sure why you can't see that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:05 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • Yes, people do need to accept that those giddy, newly in love, emotional rush honeymoon phase sorts of things end. But on the other hand, that doesn't have to mean the death of all romance, affection, and sex. It also doesn't have to mean that you no longer feel appreciated by, or show appreciation for, your spouse.

    There's a balance that can be achieved. Trust me, I know. I got married in 92, and while we are very comfortable and settled into a routine, we also have spontaneity and romance and fun, and we have a great sex life. We do this by showing appreciation for each other, respecting and trying to meet each others needs, compromising, and communication in a non threatening, attacking way.

    I think the op can achieve the same thing.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:48 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • cont

    I think the 2 yrs or so mark is often a hard time, because that honeymoon phase is over, and you do start to settle into your routines and into your life as a married couple, but you need to make sure it's one that while comfortable, isn't complacent. Now is the time to talk about it and sort it out, and hopefully come to some sort of agreement that is mutually satisfying (not just sexually), so that they can grow together in their marriage and as a married couple, instead of having resentments and disappointments build, resulting in them growing apart and ending up in divorce court down the road.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:50 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • You should talk to him...from my experience you have to draw out a picture sometimes and even use crayons... MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS AND YOUR NEEDS AND WANTS. I must say I must be a romantic but I dont believe the whole your over your honeymoon deal with it...Love is everlasting if its TRUE LOVE. Maybe he feels like this is what you want?... I am telling you if you have to scream let him know what you want deep down inside. People are not mind readers... Soooooo fill him in... best of luck to you

    Answer by JNS25 at 11:24 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

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