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Do you think there are problems within the adoption industry?

Clearly, from a lot of responces and post I read from all members of the triad there are MANY problems within the adoption industry..

Just look at us..

First moms versus adoptive moms.. adoptee versus firstmoms/adoptive moms.. adoptees versus adoptees.. I could go on forever. I'm sick of it. Why can't we all just support each other? There are going to be differences.. there are going to be different situations.. I'm sick of the fighting.

I need a place where I can come to for advice.. not a place where I have to be worried about being bashed for how I feel. That's awful.

Can't we all just get along?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:55 PM on Feb. 26, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (9)
  • It appears you have 2 totally different questions ask if there are problems in the adoption industry. YES! It needs much reform in how things are handled. Then you ask (very unrelated)if we can get along. I would say, until people are willing to accept views that differ from their own, then no. You cant come here & say how you feel, really, or tell your real story because when you do you get bashed for it if its not all chipper, happy pro-adoption.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:09 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • I feel that same way. I hope we can all show each other some respect in our posts. I'm sure there are "cruel and heartless" adoptive parents out there (just as there are cruel and heartless biological parents), but I don't think I am one of them.

    It would be more effective to politely list some common problems and see if we can all help in some way to fix the problems. We may not all agree exactly on what needs to be done, but there will be some areas of agreement. There could be stronger laws to protect birthparents when coercion is involved, for example.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 10:30 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • There are some good groups on CafeMom where you can talk about adoption and not have anyone attack you. I know we all have strong feelings, but there is no reason to take out our anger toward one person on a total stranger.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 10:32 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • I think the fact that it IS an industry is a huge problem.

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:50 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • I agree with both parts of your question. Sadly, there is something about the Q&A section that often doesn't allow for an environment where people can rely on openess and support. There are groups on CafeMom that do so however - I hope you can find some that work for you too!

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 1:05 AM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • It is really so very, very sad. I think much of the negativity here stems from the hurt and gaping hole that is left when a mom relinquishes a child that she probably should have parented. This is not always the case in adoption, but with some moms they are so regretful that they can never really find peace within. They thought they were making the right decision, but now can never take it back and must live with the knowledge that they could have, should have...and on and on. Then comes human nature and it's tendency to want to place blame... agencies, adoptive parents, anyone. This is just often times how human beings react when they know they have made a mistake. I think these moms desperately want to get the message out to other women that may be considering placement to think it through so very carefully. This is a valid message, but the delivery is so raw because of all the unhealed hurt, regret and the blame game

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:40 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • Your initial question doesn't match the rest of your question. Yes the Adoption Industry to disgusting. Adoption and Industry don't even belong in the same phrase. It implies baby brokering, which is what it is. All three of the triad members are exploited by the adoption industry, mainly the poor adoptee.

    There are plenty of groups where all triad members are supported. One that I own "infant adoption" is co owned and represented by all three parts of the triad. It's main focus is to make the adoption experience as good as possible for the adoptee.  The only thing we don't allow on that group is soliciting for or offering a baby for adoption. oh yes and it's for infant adoption only not foster adoption because they are so very different.

    And yes we should support each other for the mutual love of the adoptee.


    Answer by onethentwins at 4:31 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • Well I was just reading some of the closed questions and came across this one: Would/have you had a PBMom over to your house? Now I see what you mean. HOLY CRAP! That was horrible.

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:38 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • As an adoptee I would have to say MY adoption went sour,at the age of 7 I was given BACK to the agency to be placed wherever, the couple that adopted me at age 2,she didnt even tell her husband or family what she was going to do.By law the Agency was suppose to contact my biomom and see if she was in the position to take me back,they didnt do that ,instead they just shuffled me from one home to another till I was 18,PROMISED me all kinds of info on my parents when I turned of age=bullcrap they did,I was tossed out to the dogs to fend for myself,ANY adoption Agency sucks and are liers and cover up their mistakes,they strip us from our identity and hope we go away,I know my biomom&dad,the court turned us down on me getting my birth rights back,we even had a D.N.A done[biodad paid $500 for it],judge turned it down and threw our case in the trash, Im 43 years old now and to this day I hate the system.

    Answer by momindistress08 at 9:43 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

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