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12 year old who lies on siblings to get them into trouble.

My 12 year old will lie on all 5 of his sibling to get them into trouble. We made a rule about tattling, so now he walks around yelling, or saying very loudly, "Stop hitting me" when they aren't. Or "Stop shaking the table, I'm trying to do homework." when nobody is. I have caught him doing this repeatedly, and when I call him on it, he starts crying and storms off to his room saying, "you love them more than you love me." I will take any advice i can get on this.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:23 PM on Feb. 26, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • LOL, I WAS that child and yes it was all for attention. All my siblings turned out fine and my parents knew what I was doing so they pretty much ignored me when I did it. Take it for what it is. I was allowed to tattle. My mom even encouraged it. It made it easier on her. I would go tattle and she'd say "ok" and it would be over. The way you are doing it is giving you more grief. If you know he's doing it then let him come tattle and it will be more peaceful. You can say you will handle it at the appropriate time then forget about it. He gets his attention. The house is quiet. He thinks he got someone in trouble and he's happy. The sibling is happy bc there won't be any real punishment. It's a win/win situation. Then he won't think you love anyone more than him because you listened to him. Just don't let him find out you didn't punish anyone! lol
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:01 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • Sounds like he wants/needs attention - is there a reason you can think of why? Is he the oldest and not getting enough cause there are 5 others or could there be something else going on that he's not told you about? Maybe you could make a "date" and go have a just you two lunch and afternoon and see if he opens up about what's bothering him...good luck
    beachmamaof2

    Answer by beachmamaof2 at 11:26 PM on Feb. 26, 2009

  • My first thought was that he needs attention. I date with you both for one on one time would give him your undivided attention. Then I see I am agreeing with beachmamaof2.

    Another thought. Maybe you could also try the same things such as stop shaking the table, I'm writing. This way he could see/feel how it is to be in another's shoes. Oh honey, that permanent marker has ruined my purse, etc.

    Good Luck
    moneymagnetmom

    Answer by moneymagnetmom at 1:33 AM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • i have two of these!! my rule for tattling is : the tattler gets what the offender gets. ie: steven tattles on kay for shaking the table , the rule broken is : be loving. the dicipline is to not be able to sit at the table. solution: niether kaitlyn or steven are allowed to sit at the table for the rest of the day. as for your root of the problem you may need to spend more one on one with each of your kids. think quality not quantity!! i have 5 and know how hard this is!! even if its running an errand or taking a walk. they wont care. another thing you might try is the responsibility angle. ( if you want more privleges because you are 12 you need to be more responsible and act accordingly. 12 yrs dont antaganize the little people!! ) privleges could be a later bedtime by 30 min or more tv time etc. you know your son ;get creative. be consistent. dont promise what you cant deliver.
    allforthelove

    Answer by allforthelove at 4:22 AM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • It's the mom asking the question: I have tried the one on one time. Every night, for 30 minutes, each of the children get one on one time with me, my undivided attention. The same rule applies in my home, the tattle has to move a card as well as the offender, (I use a card system for disipline and for rewarding good behavior. Each card gives a different chore, exersice, or writing assignment. Each reward gives a positive statement plus a different reward.) Also, I have recently set goals for each child, and had them help me. That way, they can see that good behavior has benefits, bad behavior has consequences. they have to meet their goals to have privleges such as telephone time, or computer time, video game time etc. These things seem to be working fine for all of the other children, (even my 3 year old.) but not him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:52 AM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • Sounds to me like he's after attention weather it be good or bad for what ever reason he may be feeling "left out" I think it's the whole weird pre-teen thing. Maybe pick one night for you 2 to just hang out and see if that helps.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:48 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • I would do two things: 1.  sounds like your son wants your attention. I agree with making a real effort to give him one on one time. Sounds like he wants to be the "good kid" and make them the bad kids. Give him some time alone....and praise him for some things he is doing right? (Catch him helping a sibling or doing something nice and say "Thanks so much for ......2.  I would get a couple books about tattling. Possibly read these to one of your younger kids so that the older son can overhear (maybe recognize himself)....or leave them around the house (someplace where he might pick up). Here are a couple books about tattling that might be useful and drive the message home.  http://astore.amazon.com/wwwcjkidzcom-20?node=18&page=11  They are on www.cjkidz.com

    momjs

    Answer by momjs at 12:27 AM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • My daughter is the age 4 this catagory but my 5 yr old stepson that does this. He has even went 2 the extent of biting himself & me seeing him do this & goes & tells his mom that 1 of my kids did it. When she called me I took both of mine over there who both have crooked teeth & the bite mark was perfectly straight so it was obviously himself. his mom would still not believe us. I have even sent my kids to grandparents 2 have 1 on 1 time with him & he still lies saying others done something. Yes my stepson begs 4 attention. his mom & stepdad ignore him and put alot on him seeing how he is the oldest of 4 there. Now when he behaves negatively I just ignore him unless it is real bad. My daughter begs for attention 2 but not in the negative way she just ask 2 read or watch a movie together. And yes I have discussed the negative vs positive behavior 4 attention with my stepson I know he understands he just pretends he don't
    tifanishelby

    Answer by tifanishelby at 12:34 AM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • He definitely seems to be trying to tell you he needs something he is not getting...for whatever reason (it doesn't mean you are actually doing anything wrong). He wants to be noticed! Maybe he is just the kind of kid who needs more attention. I think the only answer is to give it to him! And you can't give it to him for the negative behavior because that would only reinforce that behavior. That negative behavior has to be ignored.....Maybe like the one poster said, let him "tattle" but tell him he is not allowed to yell out anymore. He has to calmly report the situation to you and you will handle it. Then your reaction has to be minimal to his report. In the meantime, find a way to connect with him on a very personal level that lets him know you recognize him as an individual, and all the special wonderful things about him. Managing a large group of children is a challenge for sure, and sure enough one will throw a wrench in!
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 11:12 AM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • continued....Maybe even let him vent to you about what his frustrations are about dealing with the large family....or whatever it is that is bothering him. You are then encouraging him to communicate with you appropriately about what is going on in his life and the two of you can join together to come up with simple solutions to his issues. He will feel heard and respected....and I would guess he wouldn't feel the need to stir things up at home by tattling and making things up about his siblings!
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 11:14 AM on Feb. 28, 2009

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