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His money?

I am a SAHM and today I went to get my DH paycheck off the counter where he leaves it cashed so I can put it in the bank. It was about half what it should have been. I sent him a txt asking where the rest of it was. He said "put up" I asked where. and He wanted to know if I needed it. I don't "need" it but in 10 yrs of marriage I have never hidden money from him and to me this was disrespectful.

So I get him on the phone and after some argueing it comes down to brass tacks and he says "It's his money, and don't have what I need" Keep in mind he wants this money to buy hunting and fishing stuff, While I scale back our kids gifts (all 3 of their birthdays are March 15, april 3, april4th.) to help save money. AND I am not talking $20 or $30 I am talking $700 when he also got $1100 from the taxes. I got $1400 to get the family a new comp and catch up bills.

Do other SAHMs have this "my money" problem?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:33 AM on Feb. 27, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • Wow, did he forget that 2 shall become 1 when ya'll got married.
    I'm a SAHM, but I handle all the finances and after all bills are paid, groceries are bought and savings is taken care of, my DH get's some $$ as blow money. If he really wants something, I try to accommodate him, but if we need food or bills paid, or things for children, that is the priority.
    Sounds like your DH needs to re-evaluate his priorities, esp regarding finances with his FAMILY.
    It's not just HIS money. Ya'll agreed for you to be a SAHM, therefore, any money he brings in, is for his FAMILY!!!!! He's being selfish, plain and simple. Buying hunting and fishing gear when bills need to be paid, is irresponsible and selfish!

    Answer by nwdeserangel at 11:47 AM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • If so how do you handle it? Am I it HIS money?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:33 AM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • wow, im a sahm, and my husband and i know that it is mine just as much as his, and i take care of the kids all day so im working for it too. But yeah a few years back he use to hide money, not for himself, but just to save, it hurt me and made me feel like i was lower than him. let him know how it hurts you

    Answer by angels4262 at 11:40 AM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • It's our money. We pay the bills and buy food. Save some. Amd then split it in half. So he has his spending money I have mine.  But you have kids at home,,,that money should be taken out like a bill.

    If he keeps acting like this I would start hiding money.


    Answer by louise2 at 11:40 AM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • He and 'his money' could live happily in his vehicle or a hotel while I filed for divorce and got half of 'his money' in child support!

    No... we don't play that way around here. If there's something that's what we'd consider a big purchase, I always discuss it with him --- and his reaction is always "why are you askin me? just go get it" If I say something like "well, you ARE the one making the money... so I thought we should talk about it first", he replies "It's OUR money & if you need it, go get it".

    The only person who has their own money around here is me, ironically. I have a 'stash' that I save up to do with what I want. It's no secret to him.... he gives it to me. It's not like an allowance or anything --- he keeps out half of his OT & gives it to me for my 'stash', the rest goes in the bank to pay for bills, to save, and for US to use as we need.

    Answer by Laura1229 at 11:47 AM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • Nope, that's why I work! I need my own money. I could never be dependent on someone else.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:50 AM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • Thanks ladies..That's where I am. I told him if we don't sit down and get this where he understands that we are equal then we need to take a hard look at whether we are going to stay married.

    The sad thin is he is ginuenly confused.  He says I have what I need and if I need more I only have ask.  I cannot get him to understand how lowering that is.  For the most part he is a good DH and father just in this he is very selfish.  He comes by it honest (you should meet his folks!) but I don't think this is something I can live with.



    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • I also told him if I am making what he does AND keeping up the house AND taking care of all the kids need and want, what di I need him for. He says b/c you love me and I love you. And i DO love him but I am not 17 anymore waiting on prince charming. To me love is more than roses and chocolates, and I don't think I should have to earn my place in this relationship

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • Yeah, that is why I have my own money so that I will never have to depend on another person to live. My DH is wonderful but if I ever needed to I could support my two kids and myself ALL by myself!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • The money my husband makes is our money. We both do our part in caring for our family. My husband would never disrespect me and tell me it is his money. He loves me. I feel for women who live with selfish men. I hope you can find the courage to stand up for yourselves.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:16 PM on Feb. 27, 2009