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Why is he doing this again?

My husband and I have been together for four years now. We have a 2 year old little boy and I'm am about to burst with our second child, a little girl this time. Near the end of my last pregnancy my husband went through this horrible lying phase - lying about where he was, what he was doing, where our money was being spent, who he was with, etc. I was pretty horrid to be around the last time I was pregnant, so when we worked everything out I just sort of blamed part of his actions on that. He was definitely wrong, I'm certainly not defending him, but I didn't make being around me easy either, so it was both parties. Well, this pregnancy has been a breeze. I'm just about as normal as possible all things considered. I live life daily just as I would if I were not pregnant and yet, here we are in the same situation. The past month he has lied about everything! I can't even trust him to come home from work anymore. Why?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:31 PM on Feb. 27, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I am in the same situation, exactly!! I haven't figured out what to do about it yet, but I think that making a big deal about it only makes it worse. It seems like when I angrily confront him about finding out about his lies, it makes him lie even more because he's always afraid that I'm going to be mad at him for everything he does. I don't think it has to do with cheating at all, or at least I hope it doesn't, but I really think it's partially because of the new baby coming and he has mixed feelings, and also because he wants to go out and drink and party but he feels more guilty about it because I am at home and pregnant and can't really do much "partying" myself. So maybe he doesn't want to seem like a jerk for being gone and having fun while I'm at home so he lies about it...if you want to talk more you can message me!
    jujubean003

    Answer by jujubean003 at 1:40 AM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • I have no idea....does he THINK maybe you have mood swings when you're pregnant and he's staying away for that reason? Is he up to something?? I have no clue, but you have to get to the bottom of it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • He is under stress, of course because of the pregnancy. (yeah I know, you are the one with the real stress, but even so.) . I can just about think that he wants to blow off some steam before the new baby, but this doesn't quite seem reasonable. You both need to go to counseling. Good luck!
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 1:37 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • Is it possible that he's just a pathologic liar and needs a little help?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • No, he says he "just wants to hang out with the guys" but there's much more to it than that. When all of a sudden at least every other day he's telling me he's not getting off work until 6:30 and not coming home until 9:30 and then I find receipts from bars and pubs from 3:30 in the afternoon! I really don't think he's cheating or anything like that, but I just want to know why he's got this urge to go out all the time and spend money we don't have at bars and lie about what time he's leaving work and when he'll be home. I mean, just everything. I even asked him if he was worried about having another child or something again and he said that has nothing to do with it...so I just don't know. I'm not even home now. He called last night too drunk to drive home so I had to drag my son out with me to pick him up, so once we got him home we just kept trucking to my MIL's house...weird, I know, I'm with his mom of all people!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:40 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • Because he is a coward and a liar, and really probably always has been. Clearly you didn't work everything out the last time because he hasn't changed.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • No, that's why I'm so baffled this time. The last two-three years have been about as problem-free as can be expected. With any marriage there have been a few small bumps, but nothing like this. That's why it shocked me so that he would go back to doing these things. I wondered if it was a pregnant-phobia or new baby-phobia type thing as BMat also suggested, but he insists it isn't. It's just so strange. I expected things like this to happen in the beginning - we were starting a family and learning to compromise as a couple - but now, well, we've been there and done that. Things like this should not be reoccuring, should they?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • he is cheating on you... no offense but some men just dont find that beautiful round belly attractive... he gets his sex fix elsewhere.... i would confront him and tell him your not happy with his behavior... communication is the key to all relationships...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:57 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • Thank you, Juju. It's not a situation anyone wants to be in, but it is nice to know I'm not alone. I have no reason to believe it's cheating either. Our sex life is fine, even though our number of positions have been limited due to my expanding stomach, ha! He says that he just likes to get away and get out with the guys and have a good time and normally it wouldn't be a huge deal, but as I said, it's much more often now and he's lying about it, which is the real problem. I hate lying. I don't lie and I don't expect to be lied to, especially not by my husband. Maybe the stress of another child iswhat's getting to him and he just doesn't want to admit to it. I mean, hell, he's lying about everything else, maybe he's lying about that too!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:08 AM on Feb. 28, 2009

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