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ok so this is a big question

ok so my 5 yr old juat took a tissue and lit it on fire with one of my candles- the candle was (well i thought it was) out of reach on top of an entertainment system because i have 2 younger kids in the house who i didnt want to get a hold of the candle- now i had to rush to put the fire out and i was so upset that i told my son to get in bed right now- now i believe that its ok to spank a child for serious violations and this is no doubt a serious violation but since i was really upset i didnt trust myself at that moment so i cooled off in the kitchen- i called my hubby who is on a business trip right now and told him wut happened and he thinks i need to go and spank him but this whole thing happened 20 minutes ago and im not a big believer in punishing after the fact- wut do u think i should do? right now hes not allowed back out of the bed and ive taken away tv and game priveleges for the weekend but is that enough? should

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:17 PM on Feb. 27, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (9)
  • should i do as my hubby says and spank him now or just keep the punishment ive already enforced?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • Keep the punishment you have already enforced and talk to him about it again tomorrow.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:20 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • no i think its too late to spank. i believe in spank when it happens- not 20 minutes later. have you ever taught your child about fire safety and what actually happens when you house burned down. my dads burned down when i was about 7 or 8 and everything i had there was destroyed. nothing was spared, not games, or toys, clothes, or pets. i think a reality check is in order for this child. i dont know how to do it, but it definatly needs to be done. good luck

    Answer by SThompson21 at 9:22 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • well, i probably wouldn't spank him at that point. my bf would go in and say to my SS who is almost 5, now what do you think I need to know for punishment. and he knows pretty well that he gets spankings. so he would say that. but i dont think i would reccommend that.

    i would go in and talk to him if you have cooled down. don't give back any priveledges, just talk to him about what happened and why he is in trouble. make sure he understands. if he talks back or acts disrespectful - then spank him.

    i always try to sit down and talk with my SS when he gets in trouble after i have calmed down or given him some time to think about what has happened.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 9:22 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • I was told the longer you wait then they tend to forget there violation as you say. But the rule to wait is good being mad at the time might me harsh in my opinion. Also taking that away and reminding the child will be sufficiant. My kids do better after punishment.

    Answer by snakeeyes at 9:23 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • I wouldn't go back in and add to the punishment, but I would make sure that the punishment you gave out is enforced. I would also stress exactly why playing with fire is so dangerous and why you are so upset. And I would stop lighting candles while the kids are awake even if you think it's out of reach- a five year old does not understand the literal consequences of 'playing with fire' and even if you've let him know it's unacceptable to touch I think it's a situation where the risks are too high to trust him to make the right choice.

    Answer by Freela at 9:24 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • well i just went in to check on him and to talk like u guys suggested but hes sleep- so im gonna wait til tomorrow to talk to him but how do i get through to him the severity of wut he did? how do u think i should bring it up and how should i make it really sink in? by the way- i noticed he usually does out landish stuff like this after he spends time with my sister- which he did today but its not like i can keep him away from her 100% of the time- help! lol im so lost this is new territory for me- hes my oldest and ive never had to deal with this before

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:30 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • i would see if there are any houses in the area where there were fires (there have been some as of late around where i am) and show him what it looks like. explain that it could not only destroy everything that he like and cares about, but that fire can kill people including his family. i know that this sounds scarey, but this way he will understand the severity of playing with fire. tell him you were scared and this why you were upset. you love him and don't want anything bad to happen to him.

    about you sister. talk to her. ask her what is going on when they are with you. ask if they talked about fire? what they talked about etc. let her know that is going on after they spend time with her. let her know that it worries you. hopefully after that you will notice a difference.

    also, maybe she isnt spending as much time with him or giving him as much attention as she is your oldest and your youngest.


    Answer by aly38914290 at 10:48 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • also, talk to him. ask him what is going on....ask him why he acts out after spending time with his aunt. reassure him that you are there for him and you care about him. let him know that it worries you when he does things like this and that you love him.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 10:49 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

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