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how do i help my son cope after his sister has died?

hello, my name is lindsey. i am 24, married to my highschool sweetheart. we have been together for almost 9 years. i am also the proud mama of a very hansome and rebellious 7 year old boy. he has many behavior problems in school. he cant seem to keep his hands to himself, talking, hitting, mocking his teachers, blurting out answers, not compleating tests or assignments, throwing away homework and tests that he refused to finish...the list goes on and on.

he is also a part of a program for exceptional children. he is extremely intelligent and has a VAST imagination, and uses that to his advangage.

4 years ago his sister,evelyn(my stepdaughter) was killed. abducted from her mom's house by...who knows. it's an unsolved case. she was 5, wesley and evie were very close.

we have done everything right, everything the therapists tell us to. nothing is working, please help

Answer Question
 
wesleys_mama

Asked by wesleys_mama at 11:20 PM on Feb. 27, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I wish I knew what to say or how to help :( I'm sorry that's happened to your family and I'll pray for your son.
    ReneeK3

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 11:23 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • I am so sorry you and your family went through that, unfortunrtly I have no advice to offer
    JAJA_Steele

    Answer by JAJA_Steele at 11:25 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • he wants to know who and why my cousin is going threw the same thing an he is angry just keep taking him in therapist he doesnt understand why this is happen to his sister and he doesnt know how to deal with it so he is acting out have you ever taking him to a psychiatry that might help him i wish you luck i know its hard
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • I wished I had some answers for you.
    I am so sorry to hear of this.
    Kids grieve in such different ways than we adults do. Maybe his acting out
    is his way of grieving?
    BrendaMomOf3

    Answer by BrendaMomOf3 at 11:32 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • Oh I am so very sorry for your loss.
    My best advice for parents with discipline problems is a Christian school! You could apply for scholarships if you do not have the money. If it is in the KCEA program you can get a large amt. of help! They really love the kids and are upbeat and honering God like a Baptist or Bible school.
    Do you think you could foster a little girl /boy to give him a sibling, but could Never replace her. He must miss her and fear for her and I cannot imagine how he lives with this worry!TERRIBLE!!! WORDS CANNOT SAY!!! Get him a good male mentor and maybe focus him in sports like baseball. He is probably mad at life and is acting this way because he is in pain. Please keep helping him look for his sister let him know you will never give up and it is good to keep hope alive! ISA 26:3 Maybe try to have Dr. Phil look for her? He may need meds.
    God Bless You All and protect You ALL! Num.6:
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • omg what a horrible story you poor thing! i have no words :[
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 11:52 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • First of all I'll keep you all in my prayers. That's a horrible thing for your family to have to go through and my guess would be your son is acting out because he doesn't know if the other people in his life will just disapear too. Just be tender to him and remind him daily that you arent going anywhere and that you love him. Explain to him that he would have made his sister very proud by doing well school and that he should make an effort to do well and act nice to honor her memory. That is it up to him to honor her and that she is watching. I don't know your religious beliefs but I know that this helped a friend of mines child when her son went through the death of their child that passed from SIDS. Good luck.
    usbornebooksdh

    Answer by usbornebooksdh at 12:11 AM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • Have you tried asking him if he acts out because of what happened? It sounds kind of like he's bottling up his emotions and they are kind of spilling out in inappropriate ways. Talking to a therapist might help, but talking to his parents might be better for him. If it arises that his behavior is a direct result of his feelings about his ssister, then maybe point out that there are better ways to act... see if you can meet with a detective with him, or a police officer... let him see how they deal with situations and try to help. Show him the organization for missing or exploited children... let him know that it's ok to have feelings like the ones he has, but that he can be more constructive with them, like volunteering to help other people who have suffered or have less than he has. It sounds like acting out is his form of coping, and he just needs help understanding that there is a better way to express his feelings.
    trebelcleff

    Answer by trebelcleff at 1:56 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

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