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I'm seeing a therapist for depression and she likes to talk about whats "NORMAL" in a relationship and whats not. But I my appointment isnt for another week and I need to know...

"Is it NORMAL for a married man to want to go out drinking with his single buddies until early in the morning?"

A little behind it...He was living in the barracks for half a year before our family was brought from the states. So now all his REALLY good friends are single. He was living the single life. Going out to the bar all the time, having a great time with his friends...And since we have been here he stays home. Now his friends whine and complain that they never get to see him anymore. So tonight I told him to go out and have a good time. But to please not stay out too late. He said not to worry if he came home around 2am. Well, its 0530 right now and he STILL isnt home!

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:24 PM on Feb. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • whoa!!! 5:30? Oh hell no. He'd have alot of explaining to do when he did come in. Not to be funny but 530 in the morning is not normal.
    2 or 230 is the latest in my house and that goes for hubby and me. Well once I came in at 3 but I wasn't driving my own car and we stopped and got something to eat. He wasn't mad cause he ate to but to me I still felt like I disrespected him. 530 in the morning is NOT normal.

    Answer by mommatime78 at 11:30 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • Where are you that its 5:30??? And no it's not right, he made a commitment to you, if he wants to live the single life then he should have stayed single....

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • I would be angry that he said he would be home and isn't. It is normal for spouses to have their own time and hang out with friends but 5:30am is a bit extreme. But this may be because it has been a long time since he has been able to go out with his freinds. If he is home with his family most of the time and you said yourself that you suggested he go out I don't think I would be unforgiving in this case just annoyed that he didn't come home when he said he would.

    Answer by Tawanda74 at 11:37 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • He needs to remember that he is married to you. He needs to remember that you and your children are his priority.

    Answer by emme1964 at 11:40 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • Sorry to hear he's still not home, but IMHO, a bar is no place for a married man in the first place. A good man would be home with his family and not be out with his single buddies. When you get married it's time to grow up!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • is it normal, yes. Is it RIGHT? No. With marriage comes a new phase in life often including new friends. sometimes men have a difficult slipping into the role of husband and ex-single. There is no reason why his friends cant come over for a barbeque or a good poker game. Drinking till 5:30 in the morning was a thing of the past when he said I do. My guess is between your depression and all the changes he has some issues of his own that alcohol help to mask. I would recommend couples therapy and maybe even family therapy. Remember your depression affects more than just you and its important to be on the same page.

    Answer by humaniterian87 at 12:26 AM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • I think that its alright for him to go out once in a while and have fun. let him. so long as he isnt cheating or breaking the law, then it wont hurt. im sure that you want a night out once in awhile, and you have fun and get carried away and loose track of time. just tell him next time he wants to go out and stay out that late, to call you, so at least you know that he is safe.

    Answer by HelloKitty86 at 1:05 AM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • my hubby is out right now with some friends but if it was 5:30 I would be worried about his safety. I dont want to scare you but thats just what I worrry about if mine goes out!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:06 AM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    He came home not long after I wrote that. This isnt the first time he has stayed out late. I really dont mind him going out from time to time. But he always gives me a time he is going to be home. He never makes that time. He is always out WAY later then I approve and he never calls to tell me whats going on. Last night he called at 0300 saying he was going to be home in a few but he wanted to drink some red bull to sober up a bit. I was really worried cuz 2 1/2 hours husband.
    he is responsible enough not know when he shouldnt drive. but they way I see it... if u give someone a specific time u plan on being home...give urself some time to sober BEFORE that time comes around.
    I used to go out with the girls. But its been years since that time. I'm months pregnant now, stressed and depressed...not a good mixture. and we are doing marriage counseling. my depression is putting a strain on us all.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:18 AM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • It is normal, but not exactly right.. have you called him to talk with him about him being out so late? I would definitely talk to him when he gets home and express how you feel. It may be simple, that he lost track of time.. and he has been good up and until now.. so don't lay it on him too hard. But perhaps suggest he have his friends over next time.. so they still can spend time together, but you know he is home save and sound... and what he's up to.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 3:39 AM on Feb. 28, 2009

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