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how do i help w/step daughter's wedding

wanna help her at wedding and reception w/o usurping birth mom's role. i respect that greatly, but would still like to have some involvement...even behind the scenes

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:49 AM on Feb. 28, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (10)
  • Just ask her if there is anything you can do. Let her know that you love her, are excited for her and would love to be involved! Just tell her what you told us.

    Answer by nowhinning at 11:50 AM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • Ask her if you can help with it and if she says yes only do what she asks you and don't be brideofmomzilla!!!:))))))

    Answer by iloveRiver at 3:49 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • Oh, you are a wonderful step to say what you did! I applaud you!! I would take her and her Mom to lunch, let step daughter know how much she means to you and tell Mom how much you respect her, then let them know that you would like to be involved in any capacity that you can to help and what would they like you to do!


    Answer by blessed5x at 9:41 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • Just ask her exactly like you asked us. Let her know that YOU know it is her day and her moms day but that you would really like to help in any way possible.

    If she says no, please accept it. She may very well be getting pressure from mom to not include you - even if there is no actual pressure, she may be thinking there is.

    Answer by kaycee14 at 12:56 AM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • good answers. Just offer your services and let her decide what she needs you to do. sometimes just the offer means a lot

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:22 PM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • Just tell her that and ask her if there is anything you could do. If she says no, then I would just enjoy the wedding.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:27 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Do you talk to her mom at all? If so, this shouldn't be too hard because you can talk to the step daughter after you talk to the mom. You can present it similarly to how you did here..... I know I would welcome "help" from the stepmother but I wouldn't want her to take the spotlight or do anything traditionally done by the mother.....And you don't want your stepdaughter to wind up in the middle of a problem when what you really want to do is make the day nicer for her. So, see what you can really work out with her mother because if there is no conflict with mom there will be no conflict with her daughter! This should be a good thing...the more people sharing in the excitement of the upcoming wedding, the nicer it should be. But, you are right, boundaries must be respected and feelings must be respected as well. Whatever their feelings are, you need to respect them or risk becoming a problem which is the opposite of your goal

    Answer by BJoan at 8:56 AM on Mar. 4, 2009

  • I think you should just offer, you may be surprised about her feelings, or have felt awkward asking :) You're obveously not one to impose.

    My SM didn't impose at ALL in my wedding. However, she knows I thought of her like a Mom. When it came down to it she was more of a Mom to me. Both of my mom's were honored in my wedding:

    In our photo album there are pictures (same size etc.) of one putting her pearl earings on me, and the other her pearl necklace.

    My SM sat at our round table, but my biomom and her husband did not.

    My SM held my flowers, and my biomom my purse.

    We didnt' have a traditional wedding, we got married in an indoor tropical rain forest tree house (because the japaneese garden was rained out) so a receiving line wasn't an issue.

    I made it clear to the photo gals before hand I wasn't going to let my SM's place be dishonored by the usual emphasis on biomom - period.

    This sounds l

    Answer by Praying at 4:31 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Not your specific situation, but I was trying to show you that even though I was close with SM she was still trying to be respectful of my BM (a respect my BM does not deserve) and as a result I was free to honor both of them as I wished. I'm sure your SD will appreciate knowing you're flexible, and there where she needs you.

    Answer by Praying at 4:32 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • I meant or SHE may have felt awkward asking.

    Answer by Praying at 4:33 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

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