Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Has anyone had to deal with their parents getting divorced as an adult

 
Mom1Stepmom1

Asked by Mom1Stepmom1 at 6:30 PM on Feb. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,498 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Admckenzie... with all due respect, you don't understand what you're talking about. Yes, adults should be better able than children to deal with complex emotional issues. But you're ignoring (or unaware of) the fact that adults also understand it more deeply, become more emotionally invested, and often experience more shock (they have to redefine their family roles after decades, instead of after only a few years). Adults aren't as flexible and resilient as kids. They have a harder time with change. Divorce is hard on kids, no matter what their age. Mine split after 25 years of marriage. I was 18. It sucked, but it was for the best. It took about 10 years for everything to be okay and normal again in my family.
    BlueFrogMama

    Answer by BlueFrogMama at 11:33 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • My parents divorced when I was 23 years old. It was hard but I learned to cope and eventually my mom remarried and my step father is a wonderful man whom I love very much. My dad passed away and never remarried. I miss my daddy very much and my step father will never be my dad but as I said I do love him. I also left my husband a couple years ago and my children are all grown. I won't lie. I thought it would be easier on them once they were grown; however, I believe it's actually been harder on them since they are grown. I did not do this to hurt them but I was in a very unhappy marriage. I have now found a guy that I love more than I have ever loved any man, other than my father. Good luck to you!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:56 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • No, but what's the problem? Mine split up when I was a child. As an adult you should be able to accept and respect their decision better than a child.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:41 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • I was twenty five when my Dad and my Step Mom split. It was hard but not nearly as hard as I thought it was going to be. I am still very close to both of them and I know it was the right decision for them.
    norbert

    Answer by norbert at 8:35 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • I'm 22... my mom and stepdad (my DAD... he's been Dad since I was 5yrs old, all I knew because BF has been imprisoned majority of my life...) are right in the middle of a divorce... mom got a boyfriend right before Thanksgiving, and just moved out last weeked. I'm really disappointed in her because she lies to us, her 4 kids. Not only do we not know who the mystery man is, but she lies about where she's going and where she's been. She's taken 3 6hr "trips to walmart" but never made it to walmart... etc. Missed her 7 yr old's last volleyball game because she was "tied up."

    Sad story, but yes, it's really tough. I know their divorce has nothing to do with me, but I don't feel I deserve being taken advantage of and lied to as a result... you know?

    Are you struggling with this too?
    matobe

    Answer by matobe at 11:42 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • I was 20 when my parents divorced. In one sense it was easier because I was not living at home in the "war zone", but it was harder because they both viewed me as an adult and talked to me like one. I had assumed they would divorce, it was only a matter of time, since I was 8, but nothing really prepares you for it. It was definately for the best, but it would have been easier if they had talked to me with "kid gloves" instead of being blunt and detailed like they were talking to an adult.
    erika.lyn

    Answer by erika.lyn at 12:41 AM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • Yes, I was 30 years old and they were married 33 years. I am now 37 and it's still hard on us girls. It was devastating then, truly. Uncles in my family were rude and said we're not 13, get over it...but they knew my parents and should have known better to say that. There was so much crap to deal with, it was just hard. It is sad around holidays but we make it the best we can now. Nothing compares to back then though.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 8:11 AM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • admckenzie, with all due respect, you are missing a big part of the situation. i grew up 30 years in a very tight knit loving family - divorce was a total shock to us and people that knew us. when you have that, your world is turned upside down with divorce. it has nothing to do with respecting a decision - it has to do with what you knew your whole life dying in front of you and trying to pick up the shattered pieces of a family and move on the best you can. it is HARD!
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 8:14 AM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • I think it is hard to deal with big shifts and changes in the family no matter what your age....that is just a simple fact. Some people may be sort of hardened and not want to admit that it bothers them, but it does effect everyone. I would love to have my two parents still alive and living in the house I grew up in so I could visit them on Sunday afternoons for dinner.....say hello to the old neighbors who would still live there too...etc. But, my reality isn't anything like that since my parents passed away. I am a happy person who has gotten on with my life, but yeah...I would still love to have that! Divorce takes that away too, no matter what your age. Everyone wants to be able to "go home again" to an idyllic situation. We all deal with reality, but I think if we had our way it would be that fantasy.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 10:54 AM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • Divorce is not imminent at this point., they are trying to work through some issues, and my dad is really coming a long way in realizing what is going on and how to change it. However, my dad is very very stubborn and it is hard to approach him and he gets defensive easy. So we knew it would be hard for my mother to say anything. There are three of us girls, all very close to our mother/. We have a good relationship with our father, but not as strong as the one with Mom. We know most of the details which is really hard. But most of it is things that we have seen over the years, they just finally built up and got to be too much. My parents have been together 28 years and I guess after that long it is hard to imagine splitting up. I thought that since I was an adult, I wouldn't have to deal with a divorce, you know?
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 9:59 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN