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need advice bad....kinda long

OK lets start from the beginning (ill do a short version) SO and i have been together 6 years. since day 1 he knew i had an issue with smoking pot, said he used to do it but quit ok no big deal. a year later i find out he smoked all the time behind my back and did cocaine. WOW what a blow to the face for me. I accepted the apology i know he quit coke but for a while i kept finding leftovers of pot. when i confronted him he'd lie and lie and lie until i finally would give up and drop the argument. we bought our house and a few weeks before my DD was born i swore i smelled pot now you never ever mess with a pregnant girls nose lol it doesnt lie. he claimed i was nuts. about 10 min later i found pot and a bowl! my pregnant nose was right!!! shes almost a year now and there has been 1 time i have found leftovers but when i confronted him he admitted he smoked cause it was his bday Contd

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:44 PM on Feb. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • OP: so i kinda let it go but told him i wanted to randomly drug test him to prove he quit and only did it that one time. he said ok. it was more an empty threat but at any moment if i bought a test he would HAVE to take it right there no warning. so the other day i go get in my car to leave (all the eftovers i found were in my car, which is in my name and i dont touch that stuff) and i swore i found a little leftover. so i go in the house tell him he forgot something and that he needs to go buy a test. he said OK but was pissy so i said screw it cause its gunna cause a huge fight. well today he took my car to work and i needed it so a friend drove me out to pick it up and when he gave me the keys he ran out to the car first to get his cigs...when i got in i found cellophane from a cig pack that had been melted to be sealed and was reopened and i found...yes leftovers of pot in the car again!!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:47 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • op: this battle has been going on for 6 years and i dont know what to do?? do i go buy a test, do i let it go till i find more proof? what the heck should i do?

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:47 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • If you're that against pot, and he said he'd stop but lies to you about it... I would kick him out for awhile.. that's not cool especially with a baby... or threaten to call the police on him

    Answer by alinker at 7:16 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • Why are you still with him? Either you need to accept his use or leave him. Why would you want to fight about this for the rest of your life? He is not going to stop using so you have to figure out whether or not you can deal with it.

    Answer by Magpie75 at 7:26 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • He is an addict, and you need to get on with your life without him. You don't want your child around a drug addict. Make sure you have money in your account and in your own name. If the place is in your name, tell him to get his stuff out and change the locks. If it is in his name, then move out now. The longer this goes on the longer it will be until you are free of him.

    Answer by Bmat at 7:33 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • the only prob is i am a SAHM so i have to start saving before i can leave....Does anyone think a drug test would help or make it worse?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:36 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • You know he's doing it so now what do you want to do about it? Accept him as is or leave. Keep in mind that if the police ever searched there would be consequences and the possibility of the baby being taken from you even temporarily isn't what I'd want for someone else's criminal behavior. You are in control of your life but you are also responsible for the baby's safety and well being. I'd be telling him to make a decision. Family or pot.

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:40 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • What is the point in spending the money on a test? You know he is using.

    Answer by Magpie75 at 7:40 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • I think making him take a drug test would jsut prove something you already know, he's lying to you and he's got a problem. Tell him he needs some help, if he's not willing to seek it, leave.

    Answer by momjoy1027 at 7:43 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • just so he cant say he doesnt do it ya know? cause i have proof, then i can leave as soon as i have the money, does that make sense?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:43 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

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