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How long is too long to let your 9 month old cry?

I usually will not let my DS cry longer than 10 minutes when he's going to sleep (during the day I go to him immediately if he is crying). I've read multiple articles about how allowing your baby to cry can alter his brain and stress levels for life, but is that with pro-longed crying? Or will 10 minutes of letting off steam before bed cause him to be detached as he gets older? I am with him all day and give him plenty of love and comfort throughout the day, and thus far he doesn't seem to mind falling asleep on his own, but will the affects show up later in life? We have a great relationship right now and I would hate to ruin that by letting him cry. He's only been going to sleep on his own for around a week now, and once he is asleep he sleeps through the whole night. It hardly ever takes him longer than 10 minutes to fall asleep, but if it does I comfort him. Is 10 minutes too long? Am I scarring him for life?

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mami2nes

Asked by mami2nes at 8:49 PM on Feb. 28, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (6)
  • for me it isn't the amount of time. i set a time limit when she was younger becuase of me. i didnt want to just go get her right away. now, i try to give her some time, but if she starts crying more....i dont know. i can just tell it just sounds more panicked or something, but i will go to her sooner. listen to your baby.

    if its a tired cry leave him be. if he just keeps getting more and more upset. go to him and see what is wrong. thats what i would do.

    if this is the first week he has slept on his own, you may want to shorten the time. he is very use to you being there so this is still very new and probably a little scarey for him. i would maybe try 5 minutes.

    i let my baby girl sleep in her bed from day one. so its a little different. either way, just listen to him. do what you feel in your gut.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 8:53 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • I wouldn't let him cry that much at all....there have been studies done that show the more a baby cries and feels insecure the more problems he'll have when he's older with trust and security...I don't agree with the crying. I like to comfort my DD and she is VERY happy. hardly ever cries.
    calliesmommie

    Answer by calliesmommie at 9:19 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • everyone likes to comfort their baby and no one likes it when they cry. but my baby cries almost every time i lay her down for bed - even when my baby is very tired and definately ready. but my baby stops crying after a minute or so.

    and a baby does not feel insecure everytime they cry. everyone knows their own baby and has to figure out what is right for them and their baby.

    and my baby is very happy almost always smiling ear to ear, very smart and very playful
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:26 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • i would let him cry it out- studies have shown that babies are more confident in themselves when they are allowed to self soothe for a bit- dont over do it though- if the child needs something then tend to his needs but if hes just crying to cry or maybe fighting sleep then its ok to check in on him and let him cry it out- id rather let my child cry it out for a few minutes and be a stronger person for it later than to tend to him right away and have him be overly dependant and spoiled later in life- but it also depends on u and ur child and wut works for u both 10 minutes is not too long at all
    lovelyli217

    Answer by lovelyli217 at 9:53 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • I agree with lovelyli217. I have always let her cry it out which has been hard at times, but she is a happy child and not spoiled.
    charjaxx

    Answer by charjaxx at 11:04 PM on Feb. 28, 2009

  • 10 min is not too long......................just make sure that you have met all the needs ( dry, feed, kissed goodnite. etc.) and say ( with a happy heart so she associates sleep with happy) goodnite I LOVE YOU. and walk away....................set the door so you can hear and wait it out. this is harder for you than her. and once you start this dont give in!! if you do you will teach her that if she crys long enough you will come. thus reinforcing the unwanted behavior. i would not go more than 10 min at one time though.....if she is still crying after 10 min go and comfort her and then say " its bed time goodnight" and walk away again,. im working on this with my rose as we speak and she is almost to the point i can say rose goodnite its bedtime and she will go lay down with her blanket and go to sleep by herself. she is 12 mo in feb.
    allforthelove

    Answer by allforthelove at 6:28 AM on Mar. 1, 2009

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