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what do I do?

I dont know what to do? I am a SAHM to a sweet little 3 yr. I dont think that I am in love w/ my husband anymore. I love him but not that way. He is always depressed about one thing or the other and thinks that he is always right and everyone is wrong complains about everything. I have been pretty laid back in our relationship (which I shouldn't have been-learned that lesson the hard way) He drinks way to much because he is depressed, suggested that he get some help or go on meds...which he needs and totally refuses doesn't belive in them. He is so bad that he is bringing me down and it is affecting me. I am almost to the point of wanting a divorce because I just dont see things getting better or that they will ever. we have been married for 2 yrs and together for 4. We knew each other in High School that I had a huge crush on.

I just need some advise on what should I do...I hate feeling like this.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:42 AM on Mar. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I was in the same boat as you, but not married. My bf of 3 yr's was the same way, and he was from a very religious family..so try telling him he needs med's LOL, wasn't happening. I left the relationship! I don't feel we should try to fix someone that won't fix themselves, you have tried from what your saying, you can't do much more. I fear his negative attitude and depression could be serious and reflect not only on you, but on your child. Kid's are so smart they can sense the depression too, and that could bring them down as well. Hunny, life's too short to live in misery! You need to get a man you can feel happy and healthy with every day!!!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • There have been cases of this type of depression causing serious issues in family's. I'm sure you've heard on the new's about the men that get very depressed, and for no reason they kill they're families..then themselves...this is worst case scenario I'm not saying it's that bad, but why stick around for more?? GET OUT! Your child can still see him, but i'd do supervised visits if I was you, if he's that negative and depressed, he could be too toxic to be alone with the child.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 AM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • I hate to see any marriage fall apart. I understand your frustration. My advice is to let him know exactly how you feel. Tell him how his behavior is affecting you and your child. Tell him you don't want to live that way any more. Ask him to see a counselor on his own or a marriage counselor together. Ask him to do it for you. If he still refuses and doesn't change, and if you still want to leave, first, before you leave, make sure that you have an income to support yourself and your child so that the two of you won't have to struggle too much.
    I'm sorry you are going through this. Good luck.
    nowhinning

    Answer by nowhinning at 8:59 AM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • I do see it reflecting on our son a little bit. I want to sign him up for tee ball this spring which is 55$ and says that we dont have the money, but yet he can go out and spend 20 bucks for wine???? I dont work, I have no money to myself. I have to sneak money when he leaves it on the counter. We recently moved to a different state away from all my friends and family-he is going to school and talks and meets people all the time while I am stuck at home doing nothing. cant afford daycare. I am trying to look for a job, but with the job market out there it isn't promising.....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:02 AM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • He needs to see a doctor and get a medical checkup first to determine if there is a physical reason for this change of behavior. After this, then further treatment should be recommended. He truly has a problem. Counseling is a step that should be considered. Do all you can before considering leaving. If you have any indication at all that he is dangerous to your or your child, then of course leave immediately. He must get counseling, because the way he is now is not working for you or the marriage. Consult your religious leader if you have one. And it wouldn't be a bad idea to start getting your legal affairs in order. Make sure you have a bank account in your own name and direct money to it. Get job training and get your foot in the door of employment- look at the want ads and check with a temp agency. Prepare yourself. Such precautions are a good idea either way.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:04 AM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • Have you talked to him about wanting divorce and your reasons? I am not in your situation, but you really need to exhaust all of your options and look at divorce as your last resort. Marriage is not always roses and sunshine, and anyone that thinks that it is 50/50 is a nut. There are going to be times that you give 90 and he gives 10 or vise versa. Maybe if you talk to him he will realize the severity of his depression and then want to seek help, especially if it means losing you and y'all's child.
    My husband just returned from a fifteen month deployment about six months ago, and since then he has been diagnosed with PTSD, in addition there have been some issues of fidelity that have arisen (not physical). Most women if they knew the details of my relationship would think that I was a nut for staying with him, but I love him and he loves me, and we are seeking help and different kinds of personal treatment and marital ones.
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 9:05 AM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • The bottom line is we are married, and for the sake of my child, I will exhaust all of my options. Divorce is not an option for us. I just think that you should talk to him, develop a course of action and then decide if treatment is an option. If he is not receptive, than I would consider a separation, and than a divorce if nothing could be reconciled. I wish you and your family the best.
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 9:07 AM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • Sounds exactly like my ex and the relationship I used to have with him. I stayed for 18 yrs hoping I could help or change him, but all it did was him getting worst and the violence came. My children are teenagers now and I regret living that way having them being affect by him for so long. If I could do over again I would, I would leave a lot sooner. Don't ever feel that you can never find happiness with someone else who can make you happy. I did and he always lift my spirit up and tries hard to make me happy everyday. We don't see much off each other due to his work but when we do he is very considerate and kind to me and my children. You can make it on your own, don't let him say other wise. There are lots of help and organization out their for single moms. Good luck and I hope this help
    lily7

    Answer by lily7 at 9:47 AM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • I started reading this and thought that someone was writting about me and my life right now. All though we have two kids and one on the way I am so fed up with it. I don't even know what to do or who I should talk to. He is just like you said your husband dreinking alot. Mine drinks every night stay's up til 2 sleeps til noon and spends an hour a day with his kids. I hate it and just want out.
    angelkatcutie83

    Answer by angelkatcutie83 at 2:44 PM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • This is the exact same pit my parents are divorcing over. PM me if you like.
    matobe

    Answer by matobe at 3:08 PM on Mar. 1, 2009

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