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update, post from last night

I posted with the need advice bad, kinda long abbout my SO smoking pot. thanks for all the advice i really appreciated it. I did not drug test him mainly because you ladies said not to but i did ask him about it when he got home and he went nuts defending himself sayin if must have fallen out of someones pocket. and i ddint even yell or say anything i just asked why he couldnt clean up after himself. he said i have no faith in him and he is being honest but he clearly wasnt! which is why i wanted to buy the test in the first place so he couldnt lie! anyways what do i do now? he refuses to be honest with me about it and he makes up stupid shit to try and convince me? please ladies i dont wanna break my family up but i have very good reasons for being against it

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:38 AM on Mar. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • and he just cant seem to get it? i feel bad always questioning him though? ughhh i dont know please heklp

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:38 AM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • my hopefully soon to be ex is a recovering meth addict. I was/am married 5 years to the creep. the first 4 i have spent paying all the bills & supporting him thru rehab, multipule jail times & bailing him. paying fines in other counties where he'd gotten into trouble there...he rain havoc on everything & everyone, especially ob me. he had a series of different women who would call me. mad at me ! WTF! Finally the state put him in the pen. Streighten him up! it was great. let him come home- 4 months later he is till on my couch & wont work, he decided he wants a business of his i help him establish a business, used my name & credit & business knowledge. got it up & running & he hauls butt! now he & his other are living very happily on my hard work! If i was you id really think about the future & what it will hold for you...think outside the box, sweetie!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • As a wife of someone who has struggled with lying, I know how it is. My husband would flat out lie when I knew he did something, even if he knew I knew, he'd still lie. Try saying this to your husband, talking calmly is always the key, never make them feel uncomfortable or on the spot which is probably why he lied by how you approached him and just said it.
    "Listen, I know I can't force you to change and I know you make your own decisions, but whether I agree with them or not I still have a right to know what my husband is doing." "I'm not going to get mad if you are doing it but I will have a problem with you lying about it, so if you are and feel that you can't tell me because you know I'm against it and that I will overreact, I wont." "I just want the truth."
    A gentle, calm and nice approach that ensures he shouldn't be afraid to tell you should help, so sit down with him, grab his hands and hold them and try it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 AM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • Continued from 11:53..
    If he still says he hasn't been smoking it, go buy a test, don't tell him you are going to, just do it..But tell him this before you do.
    "Ok, you told me you are not smoking and I expect that to be the truth. I gave you an opportunity to tell me and I would be understanding as long as you told the truth, but if you're lying and I find out somehow later, I will not be understanding about it at all and I will take some kind of action."
    "I can deal with knowing you smoke pot, but I won't except a liar as my husband."
    Make it a point that the LYING is a big issue if he still denies it.
    If he says no still, get the test and randomly surprise him with it. If he gets mad at you over it tell him he had the chance to talk about it with you and he didn't want to, but instead chose the hard way..and lying in a marriage in not an option for you..
    Try it and give us more feedback.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:00 PM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • wow anon thats the best idea ever! i have tried what you said about being calm and saying i dont care just tell me and all that but i will try again at dinner this evening and if he says no i will wait a few days then surprise him because like you said about him getting mad regardless of whether he passes it or not he will freak out i know it! even last night i said lets play the honesty game just tell me i feel like you are holding something back and he said no so maybe ill go get it today!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Mar. 1, 2009

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