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Why did it take this long?

Eleven months ago almost to the day I left my dh. About 4 months after I left we decided to try marriage counsling. I was so bitter about what he told friends and family after I left that I did my best not to allow it to work. About 3 months after we quit the counsling I noticed the baby comming back from visits at his dads with bruises. Now I know little boys get bruises, but these were beyond everyday little boy bruises. So 2 months ago I filed for divorce. My atty says to do only supervised visits. Since then we barely talk, we use to talk 3 or more times a day on the phone. A few days ago a mutual friend of ours died. My dh told me about it, and asked me about comming today. So I took the baby and went to the viewing today. We stayed about an hour and a half. I was trying to give dh some extra time with the baby. I was fine thru it all even though most of the people there haven't spoken to me since we split. (cont.)


Asked by Alwaysacarnie at 8:11 PM on Mar. 1, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • Everyone grieves differently...whether its the loss of a loved one to death, or the loss of your marriage. Sometimes it takes a long time to hit you and sink it that it's finally over. Grieving is good....even if it doesn't feel good. You were angry, now you are upset and sad, hopefully your next step (if things were bad when you were together) will be closure and moving on. I hope you find peace with your situation. Good luck mama.

    Answer by momjoy1027 at 8:22 PM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • That is I was fine until we got in the car, dh put the baby in his seat and buckled him in. Then shut the door and stood there looking at me. I said see you in a little less than 2 weeks just like we planned. He said I wouldn't miss it for the world.I said know just double checking. Then I got in the van, dh and his older son walked back across the street to the funeral home. As they did this I burst into tears, I was not grieving for my lost friend but for the death of my marriage, and it hurt way more than it has in over 11 months. I mean part of me wants to run back to him and beg him to help me to save this marriage and then I think of all he put me thru before I left and since and I know I am crazy to want to be with him. I think I know I am doing the right thing, but why did it take this long to start hurting?

    Answer by Alwaysacarnie at 8:12 PM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • A death is a very emotional thing, so that is probably uping your reactions, plus if you had a good time-not a good time, but if he was being supportive of you and you felt close to him at the viewing- that is making you think of the good times in the relationship. My ex was abusive and I was so happy to get out of the relationship, but one day he spent the afternoon with me and our son and it was a good afternoon and that got me thinking-it only took about 2 hours to come back to my senses, but it happens in the worst of relationships.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:21 PM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • you need to take time to remember why you are not together, a broken relationship sometimes you blame on solely yourself but it takes two to make it work and only one to ruin a great relationship. Do not run back to any situation without thinking it thru long and hard or I am afraid you will regret it. just for your and your children. If he truly wants to change he will then let him prove to you he wants it to work. If he is miserable and wants to be with you he will change. Be cautious.

    Answer by 1countrygal at 8:31 PM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • Evaluate why the 2 of u broke up.Can it be fixed? DO you really want to get back with him? Has he changed?

    Answer by PunkinLPN at 9:30 PM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • PunkinLPN- To answer your questions: No I don't think he has really changed. He called a few minutes ago, wanted to make sure I wasn't mad about today, and while just chit chatting it was brought up about not divorcing. I flat out told him that given the situation like it, that maybe it's better this way. I also said something to the effect that maybe someday, after things have changed , that we could work thru all our troubles. I admitted that we have both said things to hurt one another and maybe as time goes on we can work past those and then figure it out from there. We both know we have to at least somewhat get along, and it's almost like our friend passing brought us together! At least now we are being civil to each other. As much as I don't want this divorce I know that it's the right thing to do for our child if no one else.


    Answer by Alwaysacarnie at 10:09 PM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • maybe u didnt want to feel that hurt and u seen a side of him u loved. i think u should try to work things out u took vauls through think in thin, for better or wost, till death do u part. if he feels the same way about u, u need to work things out. have u seen firewall? good movie, bad acting

    Answer by baby-cakes at 10:14 AM on Mar. 2, 2009