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AFTER 38 YEARS OF MARRIAGE i DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO OR HOW TO COPE.

i'M TOLD TO GET OUT THERE AND MEET NEW PEOPLE. wHERE? i LOVE PEOPLE BUT RIGHT NOW i'M PARALIZED WITH FEAR. hOW DO i GET THROUGH THIS?I'm all alone, children grown with their own lives. I'm scared and don't hold much hope because of my age. How do I trust anyone, they've all hurt me deeply? I hate being alone and I'm going through Hell right now. What do I do? I have no hope for my future. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. What do I do to meet people? No church affiliations, nature is my church. I don't drink and am allergic to smoke. Now what? I don't have a clue on what to do. Most of my relatives are dec eased. No siblings, he has 9 and a mother. I love them as my own, but I've lost them too! What do I do?

Answer Question
 
peanuts805

Asked by peanuts805 at 9:46 PM on Mar. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • you could go online and meet people and get to know them or go to a bar and talk to people or have your friends set you up with someone but youll get trough it and find someone just be happy that your free and you can do what you want good luck
    myangelelena

    Answer by myangelelena at 9:52 PM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • first its not hopeless. scarey yes. but you can't lose hope. do you like to read? check out your local library and see if there are any book clubs or things that you can get involved in. if you work, try to make friends there. if you dont work, volunteer. there are lots of places to volunteer. also, where i live there is a Parks Dept. that has activities for kids all the way up to seniors. there are different sporting leagues and quilting and lots of stuff.

    also, if you can join a gym. even if you dont care about the exercise that much. it will be good for you and you will be out and have more opportunity to meet people. exercise can be very rejuvinating.

    also, if you like bowling go to your local bowling alley and see if they are starting any leagues and sign up. they should be soon for spring or summer.

    and although your kids are grown with their own lives....make sure to visit them too.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 9:54 PM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • First you must calm down. I realize it's traumatic but it's not fatal. Take a deep breathe and exhale and clear your head. What are your thoughts on taking a cooking class or any sort of class at the local university. In my town you can take 4 classes for $40 (for all 4, not each). It's part of a continuing education course the university teaches. Classes usually meet one day a week for six weeks. I'm sure it's mostly for ppl like you who want to get to meet ppl. I began doing volunteer work at my library (you could try the hospital or wherever you want). I met lots of folks there. I also do volunteer work for my high school and I meet LOTS of great ppl working there. You can do this. If you need someone to talk with PM me or join my group 50+. There are lots of women going through what you are going through. Don't do it alone.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:01 PM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • I am very sorry. So you are separated/divorced? Counseling would help you. Meanwhile, take classes at the local college or Y, if you are old enough, some senior centers offer classes and at least places to gather and meet people, and senior center are not old folks homes where people sit around in shawls and rocking chairs, they are busy with active and interesting people. Become active in a religious organization or a civic organization (Lions, Elks, etc.) Volunteer. Hospitals, libraries, political organizations, need volunteers. Take that first step, and the others will follow. It is a start for you to be active here at CM. Good luck!
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:01 PM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • Are you looking for friends or dates, both? For friends maybe joining a church that has an active parish would be good for you. What a bout volunteering in a park system or a zoo even? Libraries have fantastic groups for people of interest not people who are couples only. you love nature, become a 4H leader, there are lots of groups for kids that are about all sorts of things. What else are you good at? I'm married myself nearly 28 years and not at all all good then or now. Nature is nurturing still. Volunteer in a hospital. I think meetup.com has different kinds of groups, don't know if there's a fee or registration required. I absolutely understand your fear. I'm in my fifties.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:06 PM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • You have to work on yourself and get content with yourself. Get some therapy. Join a divorced people's group. Go back to school. Take up a hobby. Learn to deal with yourself and as you are doing that more than likely you will start meeting others and you won't even realize it. You can do It!
    PunkinLPN

    Answer by PunkinLPN at 10:08 PM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • ((Hugs)) I'm sorry you're feeling so low. The other ladies are right you need to be active. If you love nature perhaps volunteer time with environmental groups. There are some online sites for dating, it may seem silly but it might be a good way to get your feet wet on the dating scene. Perhaps think of this time as YOUR time and YOUR time only. Do things you have been wanting to do. You are in a unique position of not having to be responsible to anyone but yourself so take full advantage. It may seem scary but taking control is a good way to fight that fear.
    Tawanda74

    Answer by Tawanda74 at 10:49 PM on Mar. 1, 2009

  • maybe u should go to church, it seems like nature isnt helping. if u feel like u need someone and u r alone, God is awsome. if u r going to be closed minded why r u asking for help?
    baby-cakes

    Answer by baby-cakes at 9:55 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • I'm sorry but that is just rude. Just becuase she doesn't attend church does not mean she does not believe in God and by the way God created nature. She is asking for help and compassion. Perhaps you should do the Godly thing and offer real advice instead of being presumptuous and rude.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Well first off are you looking for dating, or for friends? Do you have any hobbies? Here are things my family did to meet people-- My mil goes to the local senior center, she is active in her church, she volunteers at the hospital, she is in a quilting/sewing group, she bowls, she is in DAR . My sis works out at the local YMCA, she goes out to do karaoke (sp??). My mom is in a weight loss group, she used to go out line dancing. Have you checked your local paper for community activities? What about taking some classes? Sometimes the library offers computer classes, or what about a local college-- sometimes they offer fun classes. What about online - for online dating services? I have had 3 family members meet their spouses thru online dating. I wish you luck and hope you find what you are looking for!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:21 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

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