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How do i deal with a dead beat dad?

my daughters dad has not had much to do with her since he left me when she was 2 months old... she went into the hospital on 2/23/09 and is still there as of 3/1/09 and he came up for 5 minutes and left... and never wants to see her and tells everyone i am keepin her from him

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SerenasMom430

Asked by SerenasMom430 at 1:51 AM on Mar. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • well, is there any kind of court order?
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 1:54 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • You can't fix his horrible personality flaws sweetie :-( All you can do is remain the better person. If you hear gossip behind your back, you can correct it with the truth. My friend is in a similar situation and she makes it a point to ask her child's father to do things with her child (i.e. "come over and watch a movie," "can I drop X off sometime?" "Why not take her for icecream) politely, no drama added, in front of friends and family so that they can see that she tries to get him involved (even though he tells them she won't let him see his daughter when really he just doesn't want to). This way, when he declines, the friends/family also see it and know the truth. It is a rough situation to be in. The only thing you can do is what I suggested as well as keep positive about him (but not misleading) around your daughter. She will form her own opinions about him without anyone letting her know what to think.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 1:56 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • (cont.) some little kids are just more intuitive than we think. Good luck!
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 1:56 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Honestly, all you can do is let it go. I know it's hard. My daughter is 3 and her father hasn't purposely seen her since she was 2 months old. He saw her when she was 5 months and then again when she was 17 months. He has NEVER paid child support, he owes me over $15,000, he lied to his friends and family about spending time with her, he even kept gifts that was for her and lied to the people that sent the clothes and toys. Here's the kicker, he actually told his friends that Grace and I died in a car accident in May, he said that he attended our funerals, got in a fight with my brother and the minister told him he was a bad father. Oh and he told them that before the accident my new husband beat Grace and put her in the hospital. All that because he didn't want to admit that I got married and moved to SC, and moved on. Luckily, my husband is adopting her in May. Dead beat dads suck. I hope your baby is ok.
    toriandgrace

    Answer by toriandgrace at 1:59 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • When my daughter was younger I was constantly bugging her father to come see her. I would make all the arrangements, even drive her to his house on our scheduled meeting day/time, only to have him not be there. He would always have some lame excuse for not seeing her. Finally I got fed up(after 3 yrs of this) with ME being the one to constantly put forth the effort. So I told him you know where I live, you have my phone number, if you want to see her feel free anytime. That was 8 years ago. I kept in touch with his mother so that she could have an established grandparent relationship, and she saw that I wasn't the bad guy. Her father eventually signed over all parental rights ( as long as I waived the 21,000 he owed in child support ) so that my husband could adopt her. Real nice, he essentially "sold" her. But I got over it years ago. Sometimes things are better off this way. You can't change people. Just deal with
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • CONT>>>
    with the situation and know that something better WILL come along for you and your child. Be patient. :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:14 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Why is your baby in the hospital?? is everything ok? I will pray!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Just because a person is there for conception does not make them a PARENT!! The man was a sperm donor so let it go & raise your child as a loving parent! Why would you want your child to be around somebody like that. That type of person only loves when there is something in for them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:20 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • LEGALLY, is the best way! Call the prosecutor and find out what you have to do to get your case in front of the judge. Be the squeaky wheel! It works. Well, it should work to get him in front of the judge. Even if he says he doesn't have the money. Boys that don't want to go to jail almost always find the money to keep their freedom. Then, be sure to garnish it from his wages so you do not have to repeat the process. You deserve it. your kids deserve it. Stand up and get after it.
    Mary
    tenacity

    Answer by tenacity at 8:52 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • I'd contact a lawyer and find out what your rights are as well as go after him for support and set up custody/visitation. That way there will be a legal order for visitation, and he can't claim you are "keeping her from him". I wish you luck and hope everything goes well!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:53 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

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