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why do i feel like i am the only one trying to save my marriage?

Dh and I have problems in our marriage, I admit most of them are on my part i am 20 weeks pregnant and i had depression problems before the pregnancy. He doesnt seem to want to see how i am once i get put back on my meds. He is always telling me your not the girl i fell in love with. What can i posibly do to change his mind or save our marriage, not only for me but for our (soon to be) 2 children? I love this man with everything in me and I dont want to loose him.

 
mrs_sanders2101

Asked by mrs_sanders2101 at 2:59 AM on Mar. 2, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • Cont.
    Tell him that having a relationship means growth and change. Afterall, just because you are in a relationship does not mean you are not still your own individual person. Being in a relationship is being willing to accept that growth and change for what it is and having someone that loves you no matter what you go through and will support you throughout it! He needs to support you just as much as you support him, but you can not let those little pieces of love and flirtation get lost in the chaos of everyday life. I am about to try a book reccomended to me for my marriage, its called "The Love Dare" I have heard that it does wonders! Also heard about a book called "The five Love Languages" or something like that. Many these suggestions will help you. I really hope you can work things through and get things better. However, remember if not- You are a mommy and you can do this! Life is yours to take hold of! GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Of course your not the women he first fell in love with, your NOT the same woman hun! None of us are. We all change and grow throughout our relationships and pregnancies. You will not be the same woman you are now in 5 years. My turing point in my relationship was not after getting married or even getting pregnant, but when my mother passed away. I was only married 5 months and I was 6 months pregnant when she passed away. From then one I was a different woman. I was not the bubbly, fun loving, ditzy little thing that my husband found adorable and spunky. I was mean, sad, stubborn, aggressive, and really didn't smile or laugh much anymore. It was devistating!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:17 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Cont.
    He knew I changed--- and I felt terrible for changing, but he stayed with me. We had many fights within these last 4 years and its been very tough. We have had two children, and have had small (about 3 or 4 days) separations about 7 times. It wasn't until recently I though that I realised alot of what was going on was my fault. I complained that he forgot the little things in life, the sweet notes, the flowers, the hugs and kisses, the compliments. BUT I forgot these too! I wasn't complimenting him anymore, or leaving sweet notes, or giving him attention just because. Sure we were still having sex and Occasionally talking to each other but no spark. We have had a really hard time these last few months, until I took the chance to change things myself. I have started complimenting him, thanking him more, just walking up to him and giving him big passionate kisses. and it has helped!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:22 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Cont.
    What I have realized that even though many think guys are tough and don't want emotional stuff, if you are thier wife or girfriend, it makes them feel good to get attention like that. Everyone wants to feel wanted- no matter what their gender is. Everyone wants that kiss thats feels like you can't live another day without them, or that little note or text message that screams of "I miss you while you are gone and can't wait to see your face again!" Its just not a female thing to feel that way, its a human thing. It he is not getting that individual attention that is separates him from the rest of the world from you, he will look elsewhere for it. He needs to know that you need him and that you will do your best to work at the marriage. Tell him that you are not ready to let him go, nor the marriage. Tell him that you don't want a therapist, but just one final chance to make things right.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:31 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Cont.
    Sorry long answer there.....hoping the best for you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:39 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • The best way to prove to him you have and will change, is to change. You really can't do anything more than that. Stop putting your energy into trying to convince him you will change, and put it toward the actual change itself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:03 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Why are you depressed? With whom are you angry? Depression is usually anger that has not been dealt with and that has been turned inward. It sounds like your husband may be the one with whom you are angry. It may be painful, but maybe you need to bring the source of it out into the light of day and deal with it. If it's not him, then maybe it's someone of whom he reminds you. Our minds are very powerful, and our emotions follow the way we think. It is very easy to become so caught up in our own sufferings and forget that our spouses need us to think about them. Maybe that's what's going on with your hubby. I don't think that it's that he isn't interested in the marriage or in making it better. It is probably that he just doesn't know what to do.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:46 AM on Mar. 2, 2009