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How can I get him to trust me?

I've been dating this man for about 7 months now. I'm crazy about him, I would like to build a future with him.

But, of course there is one big problem. We come from different backgrounds, so we've had different experiences in life. I'm very open and trusting. He's not. He expects people to disappoint him, it's happened most of his life.

The problem is that whenever he's going through a rough time he shuts me out, he won't answer calls or texts. He will go days with no word at all. I try to give him his space so he can work it out. But, it hurts me so much when he does this. I don't know how to get him to understand that he can trust me, that whatever it is we can work through it together. It's gotten to the point recently where I'm not sure how many more times I can do this.

How do I get him to trust me and not judge me by the people in his past?

thanks in advance,

Please, no negative comments.

Answer Question
 
sheilaj817

Asked by sheilaj817 at 3:13 AM on Mar. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • it has nothing 2 do with u.....he needs to get help!
    sunshyne251

    Answer by sunshyne251 at 3:39 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • He has to want to change it. Why so many rough times for him in seven months? Anyone going through so many rough times really isn't in a position to serious relationship especially if he wants to put the relationship on pause every time something is bothering him. Unless you can live with it the way it is right now, I wouldn't start planning the future, in hopes that you can be that one to make him change. You can't make him do anything, even trust you or let you in. You cannot ever expect to really rescue someone from their demons.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:59 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • You need to meet his family and get the bigger picture.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 6:41 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • You have two choices....#1 GET OUT! This may end up taking him YEARS to go through. The way people are raised affects them their WHOLE life.
    #2 Stay but don't have high expectations of a 'normal' relationship.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:15 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • There is nothing you can do to make him trust you. What you must decide is whether or not you want to live the rest of your life with things just as they are right now. You cannot believe for one second that you have the power to change his lack of trust or any other thing about this man. This is who he is. The way he handles situations is who he is. So, you have only to decide whether you can accept and live with him as he is. If you can, you have found yourself a man. If you cannot, then you need to tell him why and let him go before you invest any more time in him.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:51 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • You can't 'make' him trust you-- that is something he has to learn on his own. You can be there for him though. When he is going thru a tough time just let him know you are there, and give him the space he needs. The more you try to push your way in, the more he will back away. One suggestion - (and I don't know if this is an option or not) but have you considered couples counseling? Or even individual counseling for you (if he will not go) would give you the tools to help him and to deal with his issues. I hope things work out for both of you-- good luck!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:48 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

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