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why cant he under stand

why cant he try to make me feel better i know im being a bitch and crying a lot but i cant help it it been to months since my m/c happen and it getting harder and i feel like he dont care. and his stupid friends dont under stand they dont no hoe it is to loose a baby. can some one please tell me what i can do to make him under stand

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Asked by angel_megan at 9:44 AM on Mar. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • He will never fully be able to understand what you are going through because he has not experienced a miscarriage. I would simply sit him down and explain that it is just like lossing a loved one. Or having a dream unfufilled. Maybe then he will understand, if not then tell him that he may not understand but he needs to be more sensitive to your feelings. I hope that things get better because I know how difficult it can be. Hugs!

    Answer by kboney29 at 9:47 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • He will never feel it like you do. You may have to lean on your girl friends for this one. Of course you can talk to him and explain how you feel, but he won't feel it like you do.

    Answer by ria7 at 9:47 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • I'm so sorry for your loss.... Some men don't know how to deal with this, he didn't see it, didn't have the attachment that you had, I know he shouldn't be given an excuse but he is a man, and they just don't.. I guess there are a chosen few that would but in my experience most don't. Maybe talk to a friend, clergy, counselor for support and help working thru this... GL

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • he wont ever really get it but explain to him how you feal start out by telling him you KNOW your fealings are not logical and that there just fealings but you need to get them out and he needs to help you get past them to yes rember the baby but more on with life too

    Answer by jajamama at 9:57 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • I don't think that's possible. I think many men just think, let's get on with life and forget what happened. He can't understand that to you it's a personal loss of a child and you have to grieve the death of the child. Men can't empathize well with that. BTW, sorry for your loss.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:09 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • If he's being a jerk about it and brushing you off and not taking some of the good advice given to you here (like trying to imagine the feeling of a lost loved one), then maybe he'll understand the loss of no sex until he shows some respect for your feelings.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Hubs! I am so sorry for your loss! Have you talked to him about how you feel? I don't think men really understand miscarriages (especially if it is early on in pregnancy). to them the baby is an abstract idea, it is not "real" to them yet. While to the woman who is pregnant you have that connection- the baby is inside you, your body is changing, it is a real being to you. Men don't understand that connection and how painful a miscarriage can be, all the hurt and sadness you have. They don't understand that you are sad for the loss of a child but also the loss of a dream. When I had a miscarriage 5yr ago, my husband was sad, but not to the extent I was. I did see a counselor and that really helped me deal with the grief. I hope things get better.

    Answer by MizLee at 10:39 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • That was supposed to say Hugs! (not hubs)-- did not catch that typo!!

    Answer by MizLee at 10:40 AM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • He doesn't understand and he never will!! He didn't go through it! We ( as women) need to quit confusing Men's action with Women's! I am sorry for your loss! It took me a year to get fully over my first m/c. My husband hurt but in a different way and seemed to walk through life "fine"... It caused some resentment!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

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