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have u ever felt like a failure as a mom

i do . i cant get my kids to help out around the house with the work unless they are in the mood to as they so say. i have been told that because i didnt disclpine them more as they were younger that is why they are lazy and its the mothers responsibilty to do so. i did not want to disclpine like my dad did me cause when he did he used a willow off a tree on me and i kinda hated my dad for it . i yelled at my kids alot to get things done ,but then they kne i was mad and ment business. now they are old enough they ignore me when i raise my voice. i have never spanked my kids for fear of loosing control and hurting them, they have outgrown time outs (which never worked anyway) grounding them dosent work and neithe does not using phone or going to friends nothing does. i finally say the heck with it and do it myself insted of having them do it. my house is not filthy dirty just messy when i dont do it

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Asked by lovestobowlmom at 12:29 PM on Mar. 2, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (14)
  • oh I feel your pain. I have a highschooler and two out of hs. The middle is great, the oldest used to help and does when it's their decision that things are out of bounds and the youngest refuses to help. I take away things from the hs for lack of help until it's maintained not just done. And the cycle repeats. The cycle of life.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:33 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • No I dont feel like a failure because whether my house is clean, dirty, or my kids pretend like they dont care, do their chores etc doesnt matter. What matters is what I have taught them as people and what they will take into the world when they are grown. I have one grown daughter and remember alot like you stressing out because I dont spank my kids either and people giving me alot of grief because they didnt listen or whatever. Now shes grown and I see her with her kids and shes a well adjusted woman with a good head on her shoulders and actually DID learn the good things I wanted her to. In the end thats what matters. Any nay sayers out there can look at my grown dd and see I am an awesome mother because she wouldnt be who she is today without me raising her the way I had. Just keep your chin up. Sometimes its hard to see the outcome from where you are.

    Answer by gemgem at 12:36 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Before I got sick I had similar problems. My kids would do nothing. Tell them to clean their room they go sit in it etc. I wanted to teach them a lesson so I did nothing but play on the computer. I heard I have no clean underwear, i need clothes washed for school, how are we going to eat dinner there are no clean dishes, I can't find my shoes and much more. so after only a few days of this my kids said whats wrong. I said I AM ON STRIKE! You don't have to clean so neither do I. I did my own laundry and none for anyone else. I didn't clean dishes, or sweep or wipe of counters. I didn't put shoes by the door. You should of seen the look in their faces.

    Then I got sick, arthritis got me in the knee a little bit and the spine a lot. My kids now do more then their fair share.

    Answer by connietrrll at 12:43 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Connietrrll is right. I have basically good kids who I was hoping would help pick up the slack when I went back to grad school full-time - not. Finally I had an epiphany - why was I making myself crazy when clearly I was the only one who was worried about the house, the laundry, etc. I realized that I was sending them the wrong message so I stopped and did the things I felt strongly about. When they were missing clothes, books, etc they figured it pretty quickly and that was the end of a huge struggle.

    Answer by teachermom404 at 2:55 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • When I had to go back to work I would come home to a pig sty i would work and work to get it clean but I never could catch up and finally I had enough. I called a family meeting, showed them what the house looked like. Then we talked about how a family is supposed to be a team and when a part of that team is slacking the others have to pick up the slack. So when I have to pick up the slack. We made a rule that if they forget it down it may dissapear. One time my husband got so fed up with there rooms he went in boxed everything up except bed pillows and blankets. He told them now when you want clothes you will have to ask me for them if you want your toys, playstation,tv, etc you will have to work for them. They sure did alot of cleaning but it worked.

    Answer by leelee107 at 4:22 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • OK, I actually started a poll about this a couple days ago! Since then, I've thought of a few new ideas on my own. My daughter (almost 9) LOVES her clothes. However, she tries them on, throws them on the floor and in dirty clothes even when they're clean. So, I've started making her donate 5 pieces of clothing to charity for every clean piece that is where it doesn't belong. If she runs out of clothes, I'll send her to school in sweat pants and a t-shirt (her worst nightmare). My son likes to play instead of cleaning, so I told him every time I catch him playing when he was supposed to be cleaning, he just chose to donate that toy. It's kinda mean, but they've only donated a Wal-mart bag full so far. Maybe I'm just losing my mind!

    Answer by sparrowprincess at 10:55 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • are your kids happy healthy loved? then that's what a mom does. of course it's nice to have a clean house and that will come when the kids move out and get a house of their own. relax. it will all be okay. email me sometime at God Bless You!

    Answer by irishtripletwow at 3:23 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • IDK if you are like me, but I am almost anal about my house. I cant stand for it to be dirty, hubby always says "well I like to live in my house" HELLOO? that doesnt mean be a huge pig-head! My mother always gave me and my sisters chores i.e. put away laundry, do the dishes, take out trash, and because of it I like my house clean too. Like you, I have a 10 yr old girl and 15 year old boy. NEITHER do anything I ask and its my fault because of my OCD i run right behind them and do it eventually. My daughter is worse than anyone in the house as far as cleanliness and it drives me crazy. I try and give them things to do and when they dont get done they get nothing. No snack made for them, NO TV, NOTHING until they do it. So if they wanna sit there and stare at a wall vs a 3 min task their choice. Dont feel like you failed, I feel like that alot too but dont.... not until they move out and live like little pigs....

    Answer by cksem at 7:40 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Yes, everyday! I can relate identically to each and every one of you. I have two teenage boys who barely lift a finger......I have done the "on strike", No one seems to give a @#$% They will walk by, trip over, kick out of the way ANYTHING but will not pick it up. I don't get it! Very little do I ask, all I get is excuses. "well I don't know, just tell me to do it" "I won't JUST do it" Sometimes I deal with it, other times I rage at how disrespectful they are. I am also a clean freak, I like things a certain way, which is MY way all I ask of them is to pick up after themselves and if you see something out of the way pitch in once in a while and I'll take care of the rest (I do enjoy cleaning, just wish it would last more than 3 minutes) I do know that life is more than a clean house, and I try to remember that daily, but I cannot enjoy or relax without my house/things clean and organized

    Answer by joni244 at 2:50 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Not really, but my son is just entering adolescences. Give me some more time. LOL!!!! I am not perfect and neither is my son, so as long as he is respectful and polite to others then I am doing my job as a parent. If he makes choices to NOT do something, that is his choice. I can only do so much, he must learn to be responsible for his own actions.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 3:38 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

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