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Am I crazy or are 13 year old girls just "nasty"?

My SD lives with us full time and she has a very sharp tongue when she isn't getting her way or hearing what she wants to hear. She is argumentative and inconsiderate at least 60-70% of the time. I am the one that takes her everywhere (70% of the time for her activities) and volunteer in her school. She seems to have very low self esteem and is very VERY defensive. I treat her like my own (I have a 7 year old son), and don't allow her to speak disrespectfully to me or my son. When I ask her why she acts like she does, she simply states "I don't know". I've tried very hard to build a relationship of respect with her and I believe that she really does love and respect me, but she treats me worse than her dad and her BM. She spends most of her time with me and my son and therefore; I get the majority of the teenage angst. Is this typical behavior for a 13 year old???? I hope my son fares better than this!!!!

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2ndwife

Asked by 2ndwife at 4:31 PM on Mar. 2, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (17)
  • It is typical for teenagers of all types to go through phases of low self-esteem and talking back mainly because they feel like no one understands them. It is not typical for someone to be continually hateful and angry all the time. I do not know your family or your situation, forgive me if I am off but I can only comment on the information I am given. That being said, divorce/breaking up and then remarriage can be really traumatic to children. They have to deal with a lot of changes, none of which they have any control over (is there anything that would make you angry and lash out more than not having any control?). I'm sure she loves you but she may have mixed feelings about being shared between two different sets of parents on top of her body changing and the social challenges and pressures at school. I suggest counseling. I wish my mom would have taken me to a counselor when I was a teen.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 4:37 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • I don't mean to sound harsh or anything... but I hate 13 year old girls. I cannot deal with teenage girls, AT ALL. Yes, it's normal behavior.... and it's awful. LOL
    ddmac314

    Answer by ddmac314 at 4:38 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • (cont.) I know it doesn't make you feel good but you might be able to take some comfort in the fact that she chooses you to get her emotions out on. This sounds weird but a lot of times people will only really show their raw emotions to people that they love and trust. I can remember distinct points in my life growing up where my mom would say "why do you talk to me this way and not to your father or (insert other person here)." Looking back on it, I KNOW it was because I felt safe with her to show her how I was really feeling. It came out as being nasty and an attack but I didn't realise it at the time. I know when I was in labor, I was trying to be polite to the nurses whom I barely knew and was flipping out at my husband and my mom because I felt safe to show them how much pain I was in and how scared I was. It brought me back to my teenage years when I really needed to let my feelings out. Good luck!
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 4:39 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • I personally think middle schoolers are the most vile humans aside from criminals. It is normal..but it should not be tolerated.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Maybe she's going through some things? You say she's your SD so maybe she's had a rough past? I'm not really sure, but try to be understanding and help her through this period. It will make for a much more pleasant high schooler and adult.
    THEGod

    Answer by THEGod at 4:47 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Sad to say but join the club!!! There are some kids that go through the teen age stage of being disrespectful, rude and flat out intolerable and it's very hard on parents...you must stay consistent with her and let her know what you will and will not tolerate.

    Good luck..one thing though, it does get better...
    treasured_hope

    Answer by treasured_hope at 5:04 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • TAKE IT FROM THE MOTHER OF 5 DAUGHTERS,YES,5 GROWN DAUGHTERS FROM AGE 34 TO 14 .MY 14 YRS. OLD IS ABOUT TO GET PUT OUT,LOL,SHE IS SO SWEET UNTIL SHE CAN'T GET WHAT SHE WANT, MY OLDEST DAUGHTER DIDN'T ACT AS BAD AS BABY-GIRL,AND ALSO SHE HAS PMS,THIS DOESN'T HELP AT ALL,I KNOW YOU MAY NOT BELEIVE THIS, YOUR SD LOVES YOU AND TRUST YOU,DON'T PUSH HER,LEAVE HER A LITTLE NOTE IN HER ROOM,OR BUY HER A DIARY,AND YOU START OFF THE FIRST PAGE, ON THAT PAGE,TELL HER,HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER, TELL HER SHE CAN PRIVALY TALK TO YOU ABOUT ANYTHING,BUT, DON'T BE SURPRISED WHAT SHE MAY WANT TO TALK ABOUT. I HAVE LEARNED, THAT OUR TEEN GIRLS, NEED THEIR SPACE TO FIND THEMSELVE.RIGHT NOW, KEEP LOVING HER,PLEASE GIVE HER THE DIARY. GOD BLES YOU.
    lady-t3984

    Answer by lady-t3984 at 5:38 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • OH OH you're me! (Only I don't have any living biological kids)

    My SD is 14 and lives with us full time too and WoAH it got worse at 14, but 13 was pretty nasty as well. I'm her primary caretaker and make sure she can do the clubs and activities she likes etc...but she just....BAHHH. In our case she really doesn't have two different set of parents, she has a biomom (unremarried or even dating) who she has seen 9 days in 6 months - but mainly that's for therapy.

    She is vile, someone above said it right, VILE.

    She's so rude, and thinks she knows everything, and when I ask if she is doing something or has done something she's like venemous in answering "yes of course I did" (as in how dare you question that I may have forgotten when i have adhd and foreget half of what i say)

    She wont track her periods like I asked and the PMS is downright frightenng.
    Praying

    Answer by Praying at 6:17 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • In addition, I miss my sweet little girl and will she at least ever grow into someone tolerable again?
    Praying

    Answer by Praying at 6:17 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • haha..wait til she's 17! then it's "I can do what I want because I'm almost 18"...girls are horrid til they are about 22, 23...
    I have 3 girls 16, 17 and 21 and a step daughter who is 23. She hated her dad until recently, now she wants to come back home!
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 12:22 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

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