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Would you leave?

My husband I got into a fight over the weekend. We have been fighting more and more lately, but this was the first time it got physical, and the first time I actually thought anyone would be hurt. I am not without blame (meaning I didn't instigate but when he slapped me I didn't back down and faught back). I contacted an atty. and it is going to be a lengthy process to file for a seperation (8 weeks if I use legal aid I can't afford to do it any other way) He is the only one working, I dont have any way to support myself or our 3 kids. Theydont have a clue anything happened by the way, and he is a good dad and until this weekend would have said he was the best husband too. We already have a counseling apt for wed. Would you stay and see if it was a one time thing or do you leave? I don't want my kids to see it if there is a next time, but not sure if there will be or if my judgement is clouded cause I do love him.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:19 PM on Mar. 2, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • If you really true love him and truly believe up until this point that he was a great husband and father I would go to counseling and resolve the fear and issues its brought up with the absolute understanding that the violence, on both sides, was wrong and will never happen again and if it does happen again then you leave. In some cases something so awful makes everyone involved realize what they had to lose by losing it with their anger. Theres no sense, ever in violence. Theres no sense in throwing your family away either if you think it was a one off and you will both take counseling seriously. Its tough times for everyone, stress is high. Of course don't listen to all of us, do what you think is right. You're the one living it but thats my two cents!
    Good luck hun. I hope everything works out for you!
    usbornebooksdh

    Answer by usbornebooksdh at 9:36 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Honestly, I would stay. If he does it again, then no second chances. But in the mean time, you both need to get into therapy and get some help. Also, talk to him about anger management. Also, get a job! That way you can support your children if you do need to leave. Nobody is perfect and people make mistakes. From the sound of it, he has been a good husband before this so give him another chance if you feel in your heart he deserves it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:22 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Are you in any way responsible for pushing him to his absolute limits? We women have the power to do that. I think you should stay put, and I think that both of you should learn how to disagree without coming to blows. There really are other ways of settling differences. There are a ton of good books on the subject, some for women, some for men, and some for both of you.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:23 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Do you have family you can go stay with during the separation process? I am a believer that if you are hit once you will be hit again, so yes, I would leave. I would also get your kids out of there as quickly as possible. You should be able to file for some kind of emergency custody hearing if you think that's necessary. Good luck.
    stepmom929

    Answer by stepmom929 at 5:23 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • If you guys are both willing to go to counseling , perhaps you can give it a try. Think about your marriage and kids. You can at least say you gave your everything in case it comes down to you needing to leave. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • I would go stay and go o counseling. If this is the first time and he hasn't shown signs of violence before it could have just gotten heated. you don't sound ready to leave him maybe just upset about this fight. If he is willing to go to counseling you should go and give your all to make it work.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 5:26 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • I would say stay but like the others said if it happens a second time then I would leave. When I was a child I watched my stepfather at the time beating my mother and I still remember every bit of it still to this day. Its nothing that your children should ever have to see but I'm sure you know that already
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:26 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • these situationvary sometimes they will not do it again but in other cases its the beginning of a abusive man because it made him feel good to hit a woman and will use the littlest things for an excuse to hit you,i was in a relationship like that when i was very young i was 16 and he was 25 he almost killed me literally and is serving a life sentence in prison right now for attempted murder using his bare hands,but like i said sometimes it will not happen again use your better judge of character..i hope you get the help you need and it all goes well for you...

    sauna26

    Answer by sauna26 at 5:28 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • I am really against hitting women but in this case I would stay and go to the counsler and try to work it out because it's going to get in a big mess not just for you but for the kids who will fin out somehow that the whole act happened.
    NicholeAT

    Answer by NicholeAT at 5:33 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Honestly, I would stay. If he does it again, then no second chances. But in the mean time, you both need to get into therapy and get some help. Also, talk to him about anger management. Also, get a job! That way you can support your children if you do need to leave. Nobody is perfect and people make mistakes. From the sound of it, he has been a good husband before this so give him another chance if you feel in your heart he deserves it

    I agree with this statement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good Luck in everything that you do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Jalisasmommy

    Answer by Jalisasmommy at 6:18 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

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