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What should I do?

I recently got married and have 3 sons in range from 17 - 21. What should I do if the man I just married does not get along with my children from a previous marriage? The current live live with us but my husband wants them to move out saying that they are grown enough to take care of themselves.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:09 PM on Mar. 2, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (16)
  • Not for nothing but you guys didn't talk about this before you got married?

    Does he have a point? Are they in school? Contributing to the household? What is your relationship like with their father?

    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 6:50 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • my mother was with a man that I didnt like. nothing this guy could do would change my view of him. maybe the kids arent ready for a stepdad like I wasnt. They dont want some trump zoning in on their territory. Im sorry but its true.We kids destroyed that relationship. By the way my mom ended up finding a guy who didnt push us into anything and was open and talked to us with dignity. He didnt come in pushing and shoving and changing things up. He had total respect and that is what it all boils down to really.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:32 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Hmmmmmmmmmmm hun this should of been settled before you married him. Adult children unless they are in college full time and cannot get a job should be working and paying rent. The 17 year old........if he is out of highschool then he should be working as well or in college.

    You husband moved in knowing that you had three kids living at home. Did he think that was going to change the moment you all said I do? Perhaps he should of thought twice or let his feelings be known.

    You have some tough decisions momma............good luck!
    mistynights234

    Answer by mistynights234 at 9:54 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • My mother married a man that hated my brothers and I. Although my mother fully denies it my brothers and I had to leave the house we were (18, 14, 10) because of him. All 3 of us feel like she choose him over us. Be careful because your kids could feel the same way, and it can ruin relationships.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:18 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • well how old are they?Also TODAY people can't afford to move out.If he keeps this up maybe he should move out.
    lawla

    Answer by lawla at 7:49 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • 17 is too young to be out on his own.  21 maybe depending on circumstances. And once again why didn't you discuss this before the wedding?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:16 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Let me just clarify, I don't care if he is Doogie Howser MD. If he is 17 he is too young to be he pushed out of his mother's home by a new step father. That is not right and shows a certain territorialism in your new husband that is a very bad sign for the future of your relationship. 

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:22 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Your 17 year old should come first. Is he in school? I can understand how teens can be but he is under age and your responsibility. The others are young too. If it were me I would not stand for anyone forcing my kids to move out. Husband or boyfriend.

    You are not giving out enough information about your boys for anyone to answer this properly.
    girlnterupted

    Answer by girlnterupted at 4:27 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • A new husband should NEVER come before your children. NEVER. If he cannot respect your role as a mother he is not worth being with.
    catwalksymphony

    Answer by catwalksymphony at 6:28 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Tell him no. Children should come first. Help them grow and they will move out when they are mature.
    GoPink84

    Answer by GoPink84 at 7:49 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

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