Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

what should i have done?

this april its going to be three years i've been married. this past v-day my husband bought me my wedding ring. i returned it the otherday because we need to pay our elec/water bills. we need to buy food and diapers for the babies. he seems mad at me and i feel he is wrong for being mad. the ring is something that is nice to have and show off but i feel we should be putting our kids needs first. i need help ladies, how should i feel about this?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:52 PM on Mar. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I think it's terrible that you returned a ring that he or you both picked out as a symbol of your love. It's almost like your stepping all over your marriage and his feelings!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:54 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • i'm sure his feeling is anger at the situation, not you. Even if he's acting like it's you. Just reassure him that you love him and don't need a ring to prove it. He's just feeling frustration that he can't provide more for you and his family. Try to be as understanding as you can.
    stepmom929

    Answer by stepmom929 at 6:55 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Did you discuss it with him first? If you did it without his knowledge, he has every right to be upset.
    JudesMomma

    Answer by JudesMomma at 6:55 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • In a way I can see exactly why he is mad but I also see where you are coming from, is there anything else you can do to raise money such as yard sale or getting rid of extra things on craigs list or to cut back on energy usage to help make and save money?

    JAJA_Steele

    Answer by JAJA_Steele at 6:56 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • i would also be mad if someone did that to me, i realize kids do come first so i agree with that but i also do realize i should have at least one nice thing i get to enjoy in my life because kids come first for the next 18+ years.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 6:56 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • I understand why you did it. You felt the money could've been better spent. I also understand why he is angry. He did something for you he felt was very special. I know it's too late now but, it would've been better to discuss it with him first. I would appologize and let him know that you were not trying to belittle your marriage, that you thought you were doing the right thing.
    nowhinning

    Answer by nowhinning at 7:03 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Your saying you didn't consult with him first before doing it?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:08 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • See if you could get it back if it means that much to him, but I'm afraid that the harm is done. It was a slap in the face, a belittling of his love, to take it back without discussing it first. If you had worked and saved and surprised him with a special gift, and he returned it without consulting you, chances are your feelings would be hurt, mine would be, any way. What you did was from the highest of motives, and quite logical, your motives were pure and fine. You just didn't think about his feelings and the importance of respecting his feelings.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:35 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • OMG, I don't believe you did that. You could have gotten food from a food bank and diapers from a church and the utility companies usually have govt assistance to help with them during the winter. I would imagine this man is crushed by what you did. It's like the ring meant nothing to you; like taking back a sweater because you didn't like the style. I think you have hurt this man deeply over this. Next time, talk to him about alternatives and think before you do something like that again. I hope he forgives you. Every time you turn on a light in your house or change a diaper you will probably remember what a terrible mistake you made.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:42 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • i would have doen the same thing hun. im sure he is upset but probably more because he failed. i would do any and everything it took to make sure my kids had what they needed. you are a truly selfless mother and i respect what you did. PM me if you need to talk
    Kennadismom

    Answer by Kennadismom at 8:28 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.