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How can I learn to coop with4 kids and a hubby that thinks he helps but really doesn't?

My husband thinks he is a huge help goes to work every morning while I get 2 off to school and keep the babies home with me. Then he goes to basketball when he gets home during the winter and in the spring and summer plays softball at least 4 nights a week! He comes home for maybe 30 minutes and then leaves me with 4 kids that really want him! The nights that he doesn't go anywhere he spends hours on the computer or just sits back while I deal with the kids every want and need. Our 9 year old helps as much as she wants to, our 8 year old has CP and acts out a lot, our 2 year old controls everything we do, and our 1 year old has a birth defect and is just as controling as the 2 year old but I am suppose to baby her more because of the birth defect. I am only one person and I am really losing my mind! Everyone thinks I am just kiddin but I am so serious it scares me!!! I don't have friends cause I revolve around my kids! Help!

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Asked by Notdoingwell at 9:28 PM on Mar. 2, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (7)
  • ooh darn it. I know that one. I even tried to leave things out as a trap for my hubby to notice and take care of it. I hate when he is playing with the kids and says things like "uh kids teeth need brushed" "arrr ok thanks" or the "we really aught to do this" "we really aught to do that" and it is all directed towards me. And yes I have 2 kids with autism so it makes things around here a little more crazy. I believe I have steam coming out of my ears.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:37 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • In what way does he think he is helping you?? I don't think he is even worried about helping you. Maybe you should be asking this question to him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • Leave things undone. HIS things, preferably. It would get his attention.


    Answer by gdiamante at 10:30 PM on Mar. 2, 2009

  • You could try talking to him and see what he says. Though that has never worked with my husband. Apparently I wasn't letting him have any fun when I asked him to help...

    If you leave things undone around the house he may or may not notice. Mine doesn't even care. I sleep in a different room now and leave his room a mess and never clean that bathroom either and he doesn't seem to care. But all guys are different. Talk to him if you haven't tried already and see if you can get him to see that he needs to help more.


    Answer by anime_mom619 at 12:31 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I also have four kids. I have a 9, 7, and 6 year old twins. They are all boys too! My husband doesn't do as much as I would like him to either. What I have learned is that good communication is the key. You need to sit down and have a calm conversation with him and express everything that you are feeling before you explode. You also need to demand some time for yourself. It could be a night out with friends or even a weekend away. If that is just not possible at first, you need to take a least an hour to yourself every single day. My getaway is my treadmill. No one bothers me. I have also talked to my boys about asking dad for more help. If we were sitting together on the couch, my kids would always ask me for help with whatever they needed assistance with, homework, tying shoes, solving fights, etc... Now, instead of always running to me, they give dad his fair share. Get him to see things through your eyes.

    Answer by hugorose at 1:09 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Strangely enough.. men think SOOOOO much differently than we do.
    If he's home - the thinks he's spending "time" WITH the kids.. even though he's on the computer and not paying a bit of attention to anything else.
    He picked up his kleenex.. and put it in the garbage... he helped you clean up.
    he walked his dirty glass to the sink.. that counts as helping with the dishes..
    his socks landed close to the laundry basket.. yay.. laundry is being worked on.
    See what i'm getting at..
    They don't get it.. and won't unless it is calmly pointed out to them.. if not calmly done.. we are nagging.. If we don't tell them.. they didn't "know", and if we tell them more than one.. well .. we are just "bitchin" .. so it must be that time of the month.. and we didn't really mean it anyway.
    LOL.. gotta love em.. most of the time.
    Seriously.. just have a calm chat with him about what you could use for help... see if he responds.

    Answer by 4xmommy2008 at 2:46 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Thank you to everyone that has taking the time to answer my question, don't get me wrong I love my husband we just celebrated an Anniversary and my birthday but I am so fustrated! I WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really need something to change and fast

    Answer by Notdoingwell at 1:50 PM on Mar. 5, 2009

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