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i recently got pregnate but befor that me and my husband were thinking of adoptoin should we still do it

when i was 18 i was told that i had cervical cancer cells forming and there is no way to tell if or when it well turn into cancer by our family doctor we had been married about 8 monthes and well low and behold i got pregnate but before that we were considering adoptoin of a little boy im now 19 and 16 weeks pregnate and i know im going to be over whelmed with my own but this little boy touched us so much we dont know if we can let go and pass him up ive always wanted about 3-4 kids of my own my husband whos 26 also wants about four and we dont know if we well be able to have more kids of our own should we contenue with the adoptoin or not our house is big enough they would have their own rooms please help

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:20 AM on Mar. 3, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (8)
  • I'd see how it works out with one baby first, but do whatever makes you happy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:28 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • First...congrats on your pregnancy...
    Second... before adopting, you need to do a TON of research...
    Third... I would not continue with the adoption while pregnant. An adoption will take a lot of energy before and afterwards. That child will need all a ton of time to form a bond and attachment to you and your dh. If you have a newborn your attention will be divided and the attachment may be hindered.

    Also, and this is just a personal pet peeve of mine and many adoptive parents... please refer to children as biological and not " my own"... this insinuates that an adopted child is not your own... the a-child will be very much your own, just not biological.

    I am so glad that we adopted our child and then got pregnant. I had about 18 months with our dd before the baby was born. It really gave us time to form an amazing relationship with our dd. Our 7 month old was in NICU, on an apnea monitor, and that was hard enough.. cont
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 8:38 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Cont-

    If we had tried to bond/attach with our dd while our newest was in NICU, it would have been very difficult.
    You may want to discuss this with a social worker or if the young boy is in foster care, with his case worker before proceeding. I know how it is when they just steal your heart!
    Good luck to you
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 8:42 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I have to ask...do you have a completed home study? Most agency's won't consider adoption until you have been married 2 years and with you only being married less then a year I"m surprised they're willing to let you adopt. It may not even be a choice of can you let him go but will they even consider you. If this is a very young boy then he will be adopted pretty quickly by a loving family. They usually have no problems placing them. It's the older children who linger in foster care.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 9:22 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • I had precancerous cell changes twice..once in my teens & once in 20's. Both times I had procedures done to remove them. I am really surprised that the dr. didnt offer you that option. (one was cryo surgery & the other was a LEEP procedure). I certainly would be consulting an GYN and not just a family dr. about problems like this. Neither of the procedures i had done affect you ability to get pregnant (I've got preg. just fine after both procedures) I wouldnt just sit back & wait to get cancer when things can be done about it before it becomes an invasive disease. Regardless, I certainly would have the baby first then decided. You dont know how hard it is to take care of one baby let alone 2 if you've never done it before (and babysitting or "I practically raised my brother/sister" is NOT the same thing. trust me!)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:31 AM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • There is no reason you have to decide this now. See how you feel about it have you have your little one.
    Liz132

    Answer by Liz132 at 1:40 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • Not sure where you live, but I know in some states (Oregon for example) if you are looking into adoption and become pregnant before a child is placed with you, they won't let you adopt or place a child until after your baby is born except for special circumstances (relative placement, etc). I'd find out if they would even consider you as a possible placement first.
    JC4everMommy

    Answer by JC4everMommy at 3:37 PM on Mar. 3, 2009

  • This is a huge decision and you and your husband should talk it over, more than once. Although my husband and I have wished to adopt for several years, we would never try to pressure someone who has not made a decision to place their child for adoption.

    You don't have to answer this, but what are your reasons for considering adoption? Do you feel that both of you are not ready to be parents? I just hope that whatever decision the both of you come to, that you feel at peace with it. If you want to talk, as a friend, feel free to e-mail me privately @ cathyo1818@yahoo.com.

    Blessings,

    Cathy & Charlie
    Cath88

    Answer by Cath88 at 10:13 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

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